Alittle Too Gay

Friends Talk part 2

It hadn't taken long before Christine was spewing curses at him. And to say he hadn't missed this, just the sound of her voice, would be an absolute lie. Christine was angry, she had every right to be; and if this phone call would end up just being her cursing him out, he honestly wouldn't mind. After all he did deserve every word, every curse. Ending their relationship without even confronting her, not calling her for months and only now doing it for his own self interest. He was reckless.

He knew how much of an asshole he was being, how selfish he was acting. Christine already had to deal with so much of her own baggage when he had left. But knowing her she must've rarely took the time to think of herself, instead looking out for Devin. He was a shit boyfriend, a shit friend, and an even shittier person. "Why are you so fucking quiet huh? Couldn't even say goodbye and just suddenly decided to call after six FUCKING months?!" Even a deaf person would be able to hear Christine's rage, but it would take an observant person to hear the little cracks in her shaking voice. "Chris-", "Don't Chris me. You left Jason. You left when we were finally grooving into our relationship. You left your girlfriend without so much as a damn text!" He bit his lip. "You can't just do that. I finally thought I was able to get over you. You can't just call me out of the blue and expect me to act like everything's ok."

"Chris." He started only continuing when he was met with silence. "I don't expect you to not hate me after what I've done.  I've no doubt put you through so much. I was inconsiderate and cowardly, and honestly should've just texted you. But.... back then I didn't think it was the right thing to do. I was so busy overthinking how the scenario would've played out that I didn't bother seeing it though for myself. I treated you like shit, and I'm just.... God I don't even know. You were my first girlfriend and I remember being so damn excited when you had accepted my date. I had promised myself to take care of you, but well..... I couldn't even do that. I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm just asking you to listen because I did love you. I loved you so fucking much, but looking back...... I think we both knew who my heart belonged to. And it sucks that I didn't realize sooner 'cause if I did I wouldn't have had to put you through this shit. And I'm just so damn sorry for making you feel like that... for putting you through so much.... I'm  so sorry Chris." His voice was already quivering by the time he had finished. Christine was silent and for a moment he had thought she had hung up. It was only when he had heard the faint sound of sniffles had he realized she was still on the other line. His heart broke, the guilt rising from his chest and creeping into his already dazed mind upon realizing he had made her cry yet again.

"Why'd you leave?......." Her voice was soft and faint. Nothing like the Christine he'd knew. "I....", he started, his voice almost giving out. "I had to leave to live with my mom.... dad wasn't able to take care of me because people were refusing to hire him because.... well.... dad was mixed up with some bad people in his youth. It permanently put a damper on his resume, and we made it at a point where looking after me was just too much expense. I didn't want you to get mixed up with it.... I didn't want you to look down on me. My mom wasn't a person I liked to talk about... I guess I really did overthink everything huh?" "Oh Jason." Her voice was gentle and quiet, as if she were talking to a child. "I know I freak out sometimes, but I would never look down on you. You're..... my friend, and no matter what happens I will always be here for you. I understand that you didn't want to get us involved, but pushing us away wasn't a good idea. We love you Jason, and there's nothing that's ever gonna change that. You understand?"

It was Jason's turn to cry. Pushing Christine away, being afraid of how she would react, the guilt of hurting her; it had all been eating him alive for months. And to finally hear that it was ok, to have her forgive him, it was all so relieving. "Yeah." He said in between sobs. "I understand." She laughed, but it wasn't mocking or sarcastic, it was comforting which made him feel even better since he had never cried in front of her. "Now, I'm glad we finally had this conversation, but I know this isn't the real reason you called me." He nervously chuckled. "Couldn't you just let us have this moment?" He could tell she was smiling, he could practically feel it through his phone. "Neverrrr. Now spill your guts. It's ok Jason. You can tell me anything. I promise." He smiled, thankful for her concern. He deeply inhaled, pushing all of the negative thoughts to the furthest part of his mind. Choosing to focus on the now instead of what could happen. "I.....", he started off, his throat suddenly going dry. Yet he continued on. "I think I like Devin." She snickered loudly on the other line. "About damn time."