Finding his soul

47

I woke up downstairs, I noticed that no one was downstairs, I went upstairs to Kaden's room and heard him in the shower.

Eventually he got out and I walked into the bathroom in my towel, I saw him looking at himself in the mirror.

"I'm sorry about today" I whispered.

We made eye contact from looking in the mirror and I saw him look down, "it's fine" he said looking down.

I bent over and accidentally dropped my towel, maybe I was trying to seduce him maybe.

I heard him let out a loud sigh and he walked out the room, that confused me.

Usually he'd kiss me or something.

I picked up my towel and got into the shower. After twenty minutes of being in the shower I got out.

I got dressed into one of Kaden's shirts, I need to call Alex so I can meet her for lunch tomorrow. I put on a pair of Kaden's sweatpants and went downstairs.

I walked to the twins bedroom and saw them asleep, I smiled to myself and walked around the house. I poured myself a glass of water and walked to the study room.

I saw Kaden sitting in the dark, he was drinking a bottle of alcohol straight from the bottle.

"Kaden" I whispered.

"I used again" he whispered.

"What?" i said walking towards him, he slid the morphine syringes towards me, I put them on the bag on the table and sat on the desk in front of him.

"Please tell me what's on your mind" I said looking at him.

"When my father used to abuse me I found his pills and tables, I found morphine syringes in his drawer...i took them to my room and injected them into myself every night" he said looking down.

"Kaden it's"

"Sometimes I hoped that I wouldn't wake up but I always did and I kept taking taking them every night as it was the only thing that put me to sleep quickly" he said looking at me.

I turned on the little light that was on his desk and pointed it towards his face.

I saw how dilated his pupils were, I looked down and saw that he was starting to shake.

"Why did you do this?" I whispered.

"I-I hear these thoughts all the time, the same thoughts I heard when I wanted to hang myself and when my father used to beat me...they're back a-and they won't go away" he said.

I saw him fall on the floor and he brought his knees to his chest, I saw him rock himself back and forth.

"Kaden it's okay" I whispered.

"N-no it's not, maybe you should leave" he whispered.

"Why would I do that?" I said cupping his cheeks.

I saw him jolt slightly, I could tell that the morphine was getting to him. He kept turning his head quickly.

"Kaden you're going to be okay" I whispered.

I took him to his room and we sat on his bed, He was doing the same as he was downstairs. His reactions were quick, his eyes were dilated and he was shaking.

"Don't leave me" he whispered.

"I won't" I whispered.

"I didn't mean to Naomi i-i just can't cope with all those memories that were brought up today" he said laying on his pillow.

"I know it's okay"

"No you don't- you'll leave me and i-i don't want you to leave me Naomi I'm in love with you but i ruined it" he whispered.

"You didn't ruin anything okay, I know you didn't do this on purpose Kaden" I said kissing his forehead.

"I did" he whispered.

"It's okay, you didn't deserve any of it" I whispered.

I couldn't help but feel bad for him, I'd never gone through what he has.

His father neglected him, abused him, beat him, starved him and who knows what else he's done.

Kaden must be so traumatised that he doesn't want to talk about any of it.

I looked down and saw he was asleep, I ran my hands through his hair and kissed his forehead, he was sweating like crazy.

I laid next to him and saw his body shaking in his sleep.

I got up and walked downstairs, I turned on the main lights and walked to his office opening the big doors.

I looked in his drawer and saw his diary, I opened it and went to the latest page.

Today my mother died, it was the worst experience I ever experienced. The one person who knew everything about me is dead.  The only person I survived the beatings with from my father, my mother.

Seeing her brittle bones on the bed was different to look at, my mother didn't deserve any of this.

I've been struggling with my addiction again, I haven't eaten for a long time, I don't really eat at all, it try hard not to.

It makes me feel something even thought it isn't any better than taking drugs it has to be a little better. I still have my morphine syringes from when I was using.

Thinking about all that my father did to me was enough to make me spiral, I hope Naomi doesn't leave me again, Naomi and the twins are the only thing keeping me from spiralling into my drug addiction.

I'm scared that if i fall in again then i might not be able to get myself out.

I was never myself when I took drugs, I was violent and aggressive but I'm not sure what will happen if she's here and experiences my relapse.

I closed his book and put it away, I rested my head on his desk and looked at the morphine syringes, I took them to his room and hid them.

I laid next to him and laid my head on his chest, I could hear how quickly his heart was beating. I fell asleep and cuddled up with him