All I Hold On To [JENLISA]

Chapter 27

She needed a breather, something that could take her away for awhile. It was not that she was running away from her feelings. She promised to be back, she promised Jennie she would be back in few days.

So, Lisa, after having been given the chance to join the team their family business has sent for a convention in Busan, informed her supportive girlfriend. She was not actually needed in the business trip- her brother could go, but Lisa insisted that she had to be there and catch a glimpse on how their food manufacturing business works with the other bigger firms. After all, before the partnership she has with her best friends, their family business always comes first.

But that was probably just to justify her desires to leave the metro, her inner conflicts and the guilt that has come to dwell in her.

Lisa thought it would work. She thought she could unhear how she pronounces her name, but every time someone called her, she heard her. And every freckled girl that stood in front of her, she could see the same brown eyes following her. She might be a little delusional and maybe she has gone mad but all felt real. It was dawning. Somi was back. Her Somi was back.

And after another day of meeting new people, talking business and presenting plans, she would toss and turn on the bed, with Jennie's shallow and tired breathing in her ears. And then Lisa would miss her, and she would miss her more whenever the cat-eyed lady murmurs her name in her sleep. And then she would be thinking of Jennie this time.

Lisa did her best not to disturb her. She was okay with just patiently listening to the sound of her lover's writing, yawning and sighing. There were no prolonged conversations, the silence was enough to remind them how much they miss each other. And then it was past midnight and even with the weariness she was feeling, Lisa stayed awake until she was sure Jennie had fallen asleep, probably on her pile of readings. She would have carried Jennie in their bed, tuck her in her comfort and leave a kiss on her forehead.

4 hours, 27 minutes and 16 seconds. Lisa ended the call.

Lisa would often catch herself pondering why it has to be like this. She was happy with Jennie. No, she is happy with Jennie and is much too in love with her. Maybe that was the problem. Lisa never wished to be in love with anyone else but Somi yet, she did, with Jennie. But it could not be Jennie's fault however Lisa wonders if it would be easier if she never met Jennie at all. The thought would always sadden her.

Four dragging nights were wasted on her dilemma. Perhaps, Seulgi was right. She was caught in a dilemma but she could not acknowledge it. Because if she did, it would be inevitable for her to make a choice.

Lisa resolved not to call Jennie upon her arrival back in Seoul. She knew it would be a busy day for Jennie and she could not join her for lunch anyway. Total bullshit.

How hard was it to leave a message for her girlfriend?

"Drinking this early, Lisa?" The old man from her favorite pub flashed her one of his wrinkled grin. The Thai answered with a soft smile. This was her place when Somi left her. This, at the same bar chair and in front of this old man, was where she slurred and begged for her Somi, when she was the most depressed and irreconcilable, and the place where she met a lot of people that were not her Somi. "I thought you won't come back anymore."

"I thought also," Lisa smiled grimly. The old man is a friend. He knows but he never judges. "She's back."

The old man laughed before he took a long drag off his cigarette and puffed it all once. His wrinkles sighed along with him. "We cannot love equally."