Always and forever

6 - Confusion

Can

I must look, I must look for a road, a way that will take me... where? I don't know, out of this darkness, there must be light somewhere, I must find it, I must return, I don't know why but I feel a disruptive force telling me I must return.

But where and to whom?

It is a slow process, like a dawn that rises moment by moment, the night sky slowly brightens up, clearer and clearer, less dark and gradually more light.
The perception of being suspended slowly fades and I begin to feel the heaviness of my body, I begin to perceive sounds, someone talking in the distance, a metallic beep, the sound of footsteps. I can feel my body again, I feel a warm hand clasping mine on the bed.

I inhale deeply, it feels like I'm doing it for the first time in a long time, my eyelids are heavy, I make an inhuman effort to move them, the light blinds me, I've been suspended too long in that darkness, my eyes are no longer used to the light. I make several attempts, but in the end I manage to open them and keep them slightly ajar, I look around and I realize I'm in a hospital room, something must have happened to me, I guess. The feeling of that hand clutched in mine makes me lower my gaze, curious to know who it belongs to, I shake my head slightly confused, I blink several times to clear my vision but I still can't make sense of what I see in front of me.

Sanem

I couldn't sleep a wink for the umpteenth night, I was once again motionless for hours doing nothing but looking at him, his beautiful profile, his beard a little longer, his long hair scattered on the pillow. In the end I must have dozed off as usual with my head resting on the bed next to his legs while holding his hand tightly.

Something has disturbed my sleep, I've registered something that is quickly bringing me back to reality, what? In an instant, even before I open my eyes, I realise what it was: I felt his hand move. I open my eyes and jerk my head up from the mattress to look towards him, the impact of his hazel eyes staring at me takes my breath away, tears blur my vision without me noticing, I squeeze his hand with both of mine as I stand up and move towards him.

- Can? Can, you're back! Allah be praised you're back -

I caress his cheek as I look deeply into his eyes.

- Welcome back aşkım, my love, you don't know how much I missed you! How are you feeling? Wait until I alert the nurse that you have finally woken up -

I leave in a hurry to go to the nurses' desk to tell them that Can has opened his eyes and I run back to him with my heart beating wildly with happiness. I sit on the chair beside him and take his hand again, I smile excitedly at the thought of him being with me again, I look up at him to tell him when I notice that something is wrong, he clearly looks confused, his expression questioning, bewildered.

I reach out once more to gently caress his cheek.
- Can iyi misin, are you okay? -

I see him shake his head, he looks at me with a strange look, he seems almost embarrassed, he looks at his hand clasped in mine and then back at me.

- Can, are you alright aşkım, my love? -

He shakes his head again, looks at me more and more doubtful and confused, more and more embarrassed, I can't believe my ears when I hear him say that:

- Excuse me, but who are you?