Always and forever

12 - Slowly

Sanem

Today Can will be discharged, I go with Emre and Aziz to pick him up from the hospital and take him to the estate, we all hope that returning to that environment, which had become familiar to him, will help him remember.

I feel strange in his presence, his empty gaze, so foreign, somehow disturbs me, makes me uncomfortable. He has never looked at me like that, there has always been a special spark in the way his eyes rest caressingly on me.
Ever since our first meeting, when he caught me bad-mouthing him to Cey Cey and Guliz, the moment he faced me his gaze seemed amused, curious and... dare I say it, fascinated.
I don't know exactly, but if his feelings were close to mine, right from the first moments there was a special spark between us, I never felt the coldness from him that I feel now from this man who is Can but no longer him.

I understand that it must not be easy to be told that you are engaged and about to marry a woman you now feel you have only known for two days, my heart squeezes at the thought of how confused he must feel, but I think at this point I am almost as confused as he is. I don't want to and can't give in to the idea that it's all over, I'd like to have my Can back, but I'm terrified of what will happen if he doesn't regain his memory.
Sighing I think that in the meantime I can start by being his friend as well as his partner and neighbour, it seems like enough to start with, right?

We find him ready to go, he seems uncertain and bewildered, he's so tender!

- Günaydın Can, ready to go? -

- Sure, I have no idea where I live but I'm ready, let's go-.

- Tamam, just a moment I say goodbye and I'll be there -

I stop by the nurses' desk to deliver a vase of orchids for all of them, I want to thank each of them for all they have done for me at this very difficult time in my life, but I reserve a special hug for Ayfer. We exchanged phone numbers with the promise to meet soon for tea together.

She hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear - Don't give up Sanem, the love I saw between you in those few minutes before your Can lost consciousness is worth every effort, don't forget that you married him, he is your husband, you can't give up.
Your relationship is special, believe me, you can get him back if you don't lose faith, you can do it, I'm sure of it.

I nod and kiss her on the cheek, she has been a treasure and a lifeline for me in the stormy sea that has been the last month, I can only thank providence for bringing her on my path.

When I turn around I see Can looking at me intently, I quickly wipe away a tear that has escaped the control I've been trying to impose on my emotions and waving goodbye to everyone I head for the lift. It is Aziz who questions me - Did you know that nurse before? There seems to be a good friendship between you -

I shake my head trying to regain some composure before speaking - No, we met when I arrived here with Can, she was really dear, she has been a great comfort to me in this period -

I try to avoid her gaze, I don't want her to feel guilty or worse feel sorry for me, I don't need this, it's the least of my desires.

We get to the car, Aziz gets into the front passenger seat with Emre and me and Can in the back, I'm happy because then I can explain to him what the situation is.

- Can, we are going to an estate overlooking the Bosphorus just outside Istanbul, belonging to Mrs Mihriban, a good friend of mine. I've been living there for almost a year, you've been living there for just over three months, we're neighbours as well as ortak, business partners. Later, after you've settled in, if you want I'll tell you what it's all about -

He looks at me questioningly - Ortak, partners? In what kind of business? -

- It's still Fikri Harika, but let's say it's not the one you knew in 2019, a lot of things have happened and the agency has gone through ups and downs, at the moment let's say it's picking up again, we have recently taken over the rental of the premises in the building where it was -

He seems more and more perplexed and confused, I instinctively put my hand on his in a gesture of comfort, I see him startled and look first at our hands, then at me. For a moment I feel uncomfortable, as if I had been inappropriate, but then I think that even a friend would have done it, it's just a gesture of solidarity, I smile and try to reassure him.

- Don't worry I will explain everything calmly as soon as you want to tamam, ok? -

He nods, evidently reassured in some way by my words.

We arrive at the estate shortly after, we get off and I make my way to the annexe where he has lived since he returned, I watch him carefully to see if he shows any sign of recognising the place. I see that he looks around curiously, but he doesn't seem to see anything familiar, and when Emre asks him if he remembers anything he shakes his head decidedly dejected.

They exchange a few jokes with him and then Aziz and Emre say goodbye with the understanding to come back the next afternoon, we remain alone, sitting on the sofas under the porch of his house and an embarrassed silence descends between us for an interminable moment, I try to collect myself to overcome the empasse.

- I'll leave you, so you can settle down and rest, if you want I'll invite you to lunch at my place since you have to feed yourself somehow and I don't want to make you tired preparing. What do you think?

-Of course, thank you, I'm glad, I'd like to have a chance to ask you some questions and it seems like a good opportunity, teşekkür ederim, thank you-

- Don't thank me before you taste what I cook, you haven't always appreciated it in the past actually- I can't help laughing at the memory of my famous spicy köfteler on Polen's birthday.

I see him looking at me questioningly, but he smiles, obviously infected by my amusement.

- Don't worry, I'm someone who can adapt to practically anything-

I continue to smile and nod - I know, I've had the chance to see it, I swear -

Somehow this moment of relaxation has helped to break the ice between us, I feel more relaxed and so does he.

- So I'm going, I'll let you rest, whenever you want you just leave the house and turn left at the end of the driveway, you'll come straight to my house, görüşürüz see you -

I'm going back home with a feeling of lightness in my heart, come on Sanem, let him get to know who you are without forcing or pretending and try to understand who this new Can is, slowly Sanem, slowly.