Always and forever

8 -Two years

Can

- Pleased to meet you Can Divit, I am Sanem Aydin and, if you like, I'll tell you who I have been to you and you to me during the two years that, apparently, you can no longer remember.

I look closely at the attractive girl I found at my bedside after a month of coma according to what I was told by the doctor.
She is beautiful, her deep brown eyes are reddened at the moment, she must have been crying for a long time, I feel very sorry for her, I am seeing her today for the first time that I know of, but she seems like a good person.

I must admit that I was definitely impressed by the tenderness with which she spoke to me and caressed my cheek as soon as I woke up.
It was obvious that he was very happy that I was conscious again, he had been sleeping on an uncomfortable chair next to my bed for a month, he must have cared a lot about me.
I don't know why but this thought warms my heart, I've never had anyone to take care of me, to worry about my wellbeing, it's the first time I realise it can be nice to have someone who does.

I look at her forcibly smiling face as I squeeze her hand, I realise this can't be an easy situation for her at all, I wish I didn't see that tinge of despair in her gaze as she tells me she can tell me who she's been to me these past two years, I'd like to do something to erase it, but at the moment I wouldn't know what to do to accomplish that, I start by responding to her offer.

- I gladly accept Sanem Aydin, start by telling me who you have been to me, where we met?

She sits down on the armchair next to the bed and I am enchanted by her words, a kiss in the dark, a perfume, an albatross, it seems to me that she is telling me a novel rather than our meeting, she is really good at telling but above all I can perceive so much emotion, so much feeling behind the tone of her voice.

My gaze falls on the hand that she clasps in her fist on her lap as she continues to tell me about how much we had been in love from the beginning. I can't help myself.

- Is that an engagement ring on your finger? Did I give it to you? I mean, did I ask you to marry me? -

She looks away from me to fix his gaze on the ring - Evet, yes, we were supposed to be married about 20 days ago -

I'm definitely taken aback by this news, I didn't realise our relationship was so serious, never in my life had I come to a proper engagement, I'm impressed, she must have been really special to me if I had asked her to marry me.

These reflections are interrupted by the arrival of my parents, Emre and his secretary Layla.
My mother's presence surprises me, I haven't seen her for years, I had no idea she was in Istanbul and to be honest I don't think of her as a loving mother rushing to her sick child's bedside, in fact she seems quite unlikely in this role in reality.

She sits down in the chair vacated by Sanem who has stepped aside to make room for the newcomers - Can oğul, son, how are you feeling? - Huma's voice sounds genuinely interested, but what I feel for her is so hard to handle that I prefer to turn my attention to my father and brother.
I see Layla talking softly to Sanem and putting her arm on her shoulders, they obviously know each other.
My father interrupts them by turning to Sanem - Are you all right Sanem? You look strange, everything's OK with Can, right? Did you talk to the doctor? -

Sanem nods and steps forward to explain to the others what the doctor told her, I learn from her at this moment that my memory recovery can be total, partial or none.
I don't know what to think either, I'd rather remember everything I've experienced, I'm worried about not knowing what I've done, about not remembering the people who have been part of my life like that beautiful girl who was apparently my girlfriend before the accident.

- Here's the situation, at the moment Can doesn't remember the last two years of his life, he doesn't remember me and what happened during this period of time -

Her voice almost broken with emotion strikes me deeply, it is clear that this situation must be very painful for her.

My father turns to me - What are your last memories Can? -

- I remember being with you and Emre backstage at the theatre that hosted the party for the 40th year since the founding of Fikri Harika, we are getting ready for the evening and I am waiting for my girlfriend, Polen, to arrive.

At those words I see the girl wince, I realise that I have unintentionally hurt her with my words, it must not be easy for her, I continue to be more and more convinced.

It's Huma who interrupts my thoughts - Yeah, you've been with that girl for so many years, I was really convinced that you would eventually marry her, you know Can? You're so similar, you come from the same background, the same education, the same social class- She smiles and casts a mocking glance towards Sanem who I see lowering his gaze and hastily leaving the room.

I hear my father and Emre reprimanding my mother for being so indelicate with Sanem, I would like to intervene but right now I can't think anymore, I feel a terrible headache coming on, I cast a pained look at my father who understands the situation right away.

- Maybe all this is too much for Can just a few hours after waking up from a month long coma, let him rest, we will come back tomorrow oğul, son.Do you need anything? Do you want me to call the nurse? -

I nod, I would like something to help me sleep, I definitely feel exhausted from all that I have learned since I opened my eyes again, I need time to process all the information I have received and to understand how I feel about it.

Two years, two years is a huge period of time where anything could have happened and so much must have happened, obviously, if that girl is wearing an engagement ring on her finger that I gave her. I need time to take in all these new things, I need to close my eyes and mind to the thousands of thoughts that are piling up on each other at the moment.

Two years... two years is an infinite amount of time and anything can have happened, anything can have changed, the question is: how much have I changed in these two years?