Always and forever

25 - Pieces

Can

The fact that Sanem doesn't answer me is driving me crazy, I keep my phone close by all the time during physiotherapy but my message still doesn't show up.

I'm starting to get worried, could something have happened to her? Why has she disappeared like this?

It takes me a while to realise I'm being decidedly inconsistent, I don't want her to claim rights over me but I need to know where she is and what she's doing?

I don't know what's happening to me, maybe it's the almost-husband Can in me who feels this pressing concern.

After the therapy I take a quick shower and then sit on the sofa under the porch with the phone in my hand, I look at the display every 10 seconds hoping to see those blue lines that indicate "READ" appear. Time never seems to pass, I think something might have happened to her, accidents happen, I am proof of that.

I stop and think about my feelings at that moment, I can't be so worried about a girl I met a few days before, these can only be much more deep rooted feelings, those of the Can madly in love with his Sanem, there is no other explanation.

I'm almost starting to hate that Can who has won her love so pure and sincere, she loves him, not me, it takes me a few moments to realize what I've been thinking, phew... Can you keep having attacks of a dissociative syndrome apparently, I am but I'm not, I want but I don't want.

I've been sending that damn message for hours now and she seems to have disappeared into thin air.

I stand up and walk back and forth under the porch, every now and then I stop to check the display, the sun has almost set and a cold wind is coming from the Bosphorus, I go into the house to get a sweatshirt and, while I'm walking back out putting it on my head, I finally hear a notification.

- All right, I'll meet you in the driveway at 8.30 -

Lapidary, not a word more not a word less, I let out a sigh of relief at the thought that she's fine and nothing has happened to her, shortly after I hear a car pull up to the gate and I see her heading towards her house. I call her, she smiles at me and greets me from afar with her hand - I'm going to freshen up and I'll be there Can, otherwise we'll be late! - A dumb smile appears spontaneously, I don't know why but I was afraid she was angry with me for what she had heard in the meeting room instead she seems like the same Sanem as always, well I'm relieved.

I sit down on the sofa at home, finally calm, I pick up the phone and open Facebook, who knows why the first name that comes to my mind is that of my neighbour.
In her profile picture she is shockingly beautiful, I don't know why but I'm sure I took that picture, in fact I know why and I suddenly realise it. Sanem's eyes are shining with boundless love and I feel viscerally that it was me she was looking at that way.

My reflections are interrupted by an incoming call, I don't recognise the number and it's not registered in the phone book.
- Hello? -

- Can? How are you? I'm worried about you, are you OK? -

- Who's on the phone? -

-Who is it, it's your mother, you don't even remember me now? -

- Huma, if I don't even have your number in my phone book, it must mean something, right? Anyway, yes, I'm fine thanks -

-We haven't had a chance to talk in peace, that girl is always stopping us, why don't I come over and talk to you? -

- The girl's name is Sanem and according to what they tell me I was going to marry her so the fact that you call her that makes me understand that you didn't approve, I had no doubt about it, may Can never be happy and loved in his life, you've always made sure to prevent that from happening for as long as I can remember.