Always and forever

14 - The mosaic becomes richer

Sanem

That song, OUR song, how many times we had danced to it, locked in each other's arms, our hearts close and our souls intertwined.

For a few moments I lose all contact with reality and I am catapulted into a dimension in which many images of unforgettable, magical moments, full of an intensity that has always deeply shocked me, flow through my mind like in a wonderful film.

I see our shy beginnings, our skirmishes, our first kisses, our first furtive glances...

I shake my head back to reality, Can is watching me curiously, I try to come back to myself.

- Forgive me, come sit down let's eat -

I sit down lowering my gaze to regain control of myself, I breathe deeply and raise it again trying to smile changing the subject.

-I hope you like what I've prepared I hope you like it.

- Hey Sanem, are you alright? What happened? Was it the song?

I avoid his gaze, I don't want to look pathetic - Yes, I mean, it's full of memories for me, we've listened and danced to it many times and for a moment I was transported elsewhere, sorry -

- Tell me where you've been, what have you seen in this other place? -

I look at him seriously, I don't know how much I can accept of what I want to say, in the end I decide that I can only be honest.

- We have lived two intense years together Can, there have been some really wonderful moments between us, I would say unforgettable, but I avoid because it might seem slightly out of place, no? - We both smile - we have shared so much, we have changed and we have both grown in this relationship.

What you don't know yet is that at some point some people and complicated situations came between us and, well, you went away for a whole year Can. You sailed your boat solo half way around the world, you've been back for just over four months, if we include this month you were in hospital.

We both went through terrible times during this time away, neither of us experienced it well, on the contrary, but you finally came back. It wasn't easy in the beginning, but we couldn't stay away from each other, what we still felt was too strong and intense and in the end we got back together.
Last December you asked me to marry you and the ceremony was supposed to be held on February 20, but, as you well know ... - I shrug my shoulders trying not to show all the sadness I feel thinking about the wedding we were preparing, for a moment I think that maybe I should tell him about the one celebrated in the hospital, that actually we are husband and wife but... I don't want him to feel forced by a legal constraint to be with me, I want him to choose to do it because he will want to do it. There will be time to talk to him about it when his memory comes back, I hope.

I look up at him, scanning his face for a reaction, I see a serious expression, I don't know how to act, I'm afraid of looking inappropriate, but in the end I decide I want to help him in any way I can, even if it kills me.

- Can, listen, I understand that for you I am a stranger that you have only known for a few days, but for me you are the dearest person in this world, don't be afraid to hurt me, talk openly about how you feel, maybe it can help you to put your confused feelings in order, ask me anything you want, I am here for you and I will always be, you know that -

- The problem is that I don't know how I feel either, I'm confused, I've always been a maverick, I've travelled the world with no ties to anything or anyone, it already seems strange to me that I've stopped in Istanbul permanently and become a partner of Fikri Harika, how did this happen? -

- This is related to the year you weren't here, your father was away from Turkey and Emre couldn't run the agency on his own and eventually had to close it down.

I see him flinch - What? Fikri Harika went bankrupt? Because of me? -

- No Can, don't think like that, let's say it was meant to be, don't blame yourself, your father will explain better what happened, I wasn't in the agency at that time -

- Why, where were you? I understood you worked there, we worked together at Fikri Harika why weren't you there? Did you quit after I left?

I lower my head, I don't want to talk about my hospitalization and how bad I was, I don't want his pity let alone his guilt.

- Yes, I had to move away from the agency and my previous life, I came to live here and during this time I did something else.

I get up to reach the bookshop, take a copy of my book and hand it to her.

- This is for you, it's my book or rather OUR book actually.

Here is our whole love story Can, you are my albatross and I, like a phoenix, had to be reborn from the ashes of a love destroyed by the flames of misunderstanding and abandonment.

Read it, it will help you to understand many things about the period before your departure, about what you did and lived during the year away, only Can knows what happened and what he felt, he had no contact with anyone so no one can tell you.

However, he had only one travelling companion: the bandana I gave you.

I found out when you came back that you never left it, you always kept it with you as something very precious.

He looks at me in amazement, I see him reach into the front pocket of his jeans and pull out that very bandana, I'm struck by the fact that he has decided to take it with him, it could be a good sign, maybe on a subconscious level he is performing actions he was used to doing before.

I smile and bring my hands up to my neck - You see, one of the things that made us realise that neither of us had forgotten the other was when we discovered that you had always carried my bandana with you and I had kept something that had belonged to you close to my heart all the time -

I walk around the table and approach him, pull the long chain that keeps our engagement ring hidden under my clothes and show it to him, he looks at it curiously - Does it remind you of anything ? - He looks into my eyes, looks at the ring again and then shakes his head - If you look closely the stone set in this ring is not a precious stone, but for me it has always been the most beautiful jewel. You got this stone from your white moonstone that fell and broke, you interpreted it as a sign, you said you had to give it to me because I was the bright part of your moon, the bright part of your life. With this ring you asked me to marry you not once but twice, you know? -

He continues to look at me engrossed, I sit back down and reach across the table my hand with the engagement ring - This stone is also not precious, but it is for us, you gave me a pendant with this amber stone for my birthday, it was given to you by a woman on one of your trips -

She nods and interrupts me - Of course, I remember this, she told me that she would always take me to my beloved wherever she was -

I smile - Exactly, that's why you wanted to use it for this new engagement ring, because I always kept it with me and in the end it allowed you to find me again, it allowed you to find your beloved -

She looks at me intently - Do you think she can still perform her miracle? -