Sanem
I don't know how long I'll be here with Ayhan, Osman is abroad on a photo shoot for a big fashion house so she's happy to have company.
My parents and sister know I'm still in Sile writing for my book and I want them to keep thinking that, I'm sure if they knew what was going on my parents would be very angry with Can, they had just accepted that we were back together after the year apart and now they wouldn't understand the situation that has arisen.
When I go back to Istanbul I will explain to them and my sister how things are now, we can't do anything about it, nobody can fix it, not even Can.
It's not his fault that he doesn't remember who I was to him, we can all tell him, but he's the one who has to experience certain emotions which, it seems, have now completely disappeared.
The days pass slowly, I haven't turned on the phone since I left the hotel in Sile, I don't want to hear from anyone, my parents know that when I'm writing I tend to isolate myself from everything and everyone. I spend my days, when Ayhan is at work, finishing the editing of my book and the choice of cover, keeping in close contact with my publisher through a dense exchange of emails.
I chose to work in a beautiful public park not far from Ayhan's house with a fountain with spectacular water jets that at night are illuminated by lights of a thousand colours. I sit for hours on a bench and let the roar of the water from the fountain help me to relax my mind, not to think about anything but the work of editing my book.
I'm trying not to think, I'm counting the hours until he leaves but then I berate myself for even thinking about it, I mustn't do it, that way I know I'm only hurting myself.
Unfortunately, I have to come to think that my Can never woke up from that coma, never got out of that bed because, in the end, that's what happened.
The man who came back to life is no longer him, he is another person with another heart, another mind and other dreams for his future that do not include my presence next to him.
It is not easy to live, as Ayhan told me, every single minute, hour, day with this overwhelming feeling of lack, but this is how it is now and will be for years to come, I have to accept it and survive minute by minute.
To keep on living, fortunately I have my memories, the memories of us, no one can ever take those away from me. The memories of my wonderful albatross who looked at me with a love-struck gaze and held me close whispering to me seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much.
I'll never forget that look, those black eyes burning with infinite emotion were the mirror of mine that looked at him with the same intensity and the same boundless feeling.
Now those eyes are willing, they look at me with indifference if not with distrust, perhaps thinking that I want to force him to do something he is not ready to do, to ask too much of him, to desire the impossible: to desire his love.
I gave up everything to be there
You didn't say a single word or show that you cared
I let my guard down so you could see
I felt those empty eyes staring at me
Your empty eyes staring at me.
Watching my heart fall apart
Is this what you needed?
I know, you don't love like I loved you
And you never did all the time
Tell me I'm wrong
And now the rains will fall
And so will I this time
And I won't get up
Because I gave everything just to see you live your life
You didn't care about mine
Now you listen to my words as if they were just wind
I know you hear them passing by
But you don't think about them anymore
It's easy for you to let them go
You play the part like it hurts
But you'll never know
The pain you cause that I won't show
......
Who said that? You said
It's you and me forever
Who said that? You said
That we would face the world together
And now the rains will fall
And so will I this time
And I won't get up
Because I gave everything just to see you live your life
You didn't care about mine
Who said that? You said
It's you and me forever
Who said that? You said
That we'd face the world together
YOU ARE READING
Always and forever
FanfictionThey have found each other again despite a year of separation, is it possible that Can now cannot find Sanem in her heart? How can Sanem accept that the love of his life, who asked her just before becoming his wife, looks at her as if she were a st...
