God, I hate You

33

"we should probably head back, it's getting late" i chuckled weakly and checked my watch. bucky said nothing and walked past me, in the direction of the car park. leaving me standing there alone in the hall as 'save the last dance for me' played from the record player. i swallowed the salty lump in my throat and smoothed out the skirt of my dress, looking around me at the empty hall which bucky and i were dancing in a few moments ago.

clearing my throat, i began walking out of the room. the music in the background was drowned out slightly by my shoes clicking against the ground. once i got to the front door of the building, i looked out to see the rain thrashing down from the sky. i shuddered from the temperature but stared in awe as the drops hit the ground with such force. looking around, i spotted bucky standing outside of the car, instead of sitting inside. he leaned against the bonnet, staring ahead of him as if something interesting was happening. his shirt was soaked and so was his hair, but he looked unbothered by the harsh winds.

i walked quickly towards the car, pulling at the door handle to open it. the car door wouldn't open and i looked over at bucky to see him clutching my car keys in his human hand. i sped over to him, nudging him jokingly with a smile.
"could you open the door please?" i asked, staring at the car.
"no" he replied simply and continued staring straight ahead. i laughed and wiped the wet hair off my face.
"come on, open it barnes" i chuckled, my knees trembling from the cold.
"like i said, no" he stated.

i argued with him for a few minutes, but the only answer i received was the simple 'no'.
"what the hell, it's my car. open the fucking door" i shouted angrily, my voice trembling from the cold. the rain had died down, but the wind was freezing and felt as if it was slicing at my face.
"no" he scoffed. tears pricked at my eyes, not because i was upset. because i was fucking cold, irritated and hungry. i wiped at my eyes harshly and leaned against the car, my dress was soaked and clung to my body like paint.
"what's wrong?" he asked like an idiot. i scoffed and sniffled, i knew i was catching a cold.
"nothing" i replied and crossed my arms over my chest, not looking at him.
"if you're cold, you can come to me" bucky said, clearing his throat slightly.
"in your dreams" i chuckled harshly.

around ten minutes later, there i was, huddled beside bucky for warmth. he seemed satisfied from me giving in and stood there with a smile. i wasn't happy at all, i was freezing, tired, hungry and all i wanted to do was go home. he had pretended to unlock the door several times as a joke, each time i was closer and closer
to just killing him on the spot.

"why the hell are you being such a fucking ass?" i shouted, shoving him slightly. he said nothing and stood there, his jaw visibly clenching,
"go on, enlighten me" i added, giving him another small shove.
"i want to show you how it feels, to think you'll have something which you won't. it's fucking exhausting isn't it?" he shouted back. i took a step back, my eyes wide. so this was what it was about. guilt twisted at my stomach as i shook my head,
"i'm sorry, but i've told you so many times that i don't feel like this'll go anywhere. but you keep fucking pushing it" i whined, running a hand through my soaked hair. bucky shook his head, both of us were angry, so so angry.
"god i fucking hate you" he scoffed, turning his head away, his fist nearly meeting the car.
"then why do you try so much? why do you get angry when some other guy speaks to me? when i get hurt? or when i tell you that it'll never work? why do you keep trying and trying?" i asked, my voice was nearly at shouting volume as my frustration got the best of me. thunder rumbled in the sky as the rain started again.

bucky was definitely frustrated too, his fists were clenched. as he listened to me asking question, after question, after question.
"fucking answer me bucky" i huffed, taking a few steps closer to him. he wiped the hair off his face angrily,
"because i'm fucking crazy about you. i wish i wasn't but i am, and every time you fucking turn me down..turn us down. it gets harder to stay away from you okay? and shit it hurts but i'm fucking ignoring it. that's why y/n" he shouted back.  my breath hitched in my throat at his answer, both of us stood in the rain. both of our fists clenched as we stared at each other angrily. i scoffed and shook my head, taking a few steps towards him.

he looked away from me, ashamed that a tough guy like him had let out his emotions like that. with my cold hands, i placed them on his cheeks, forcing him to turn his head towards me. his eyes were filled with shame, ashamed that he had just shouted at me like that. i wiped the raindrops on his face with my thumbs and shook my head at him,
"fuck, i'm crazy about you too" i murmured, before locking my lips onto his. he kissed back immediately, his hands on my waist, gripping onto the soaked fabric of my dress as if he never wanted to let go. we pulled away from each other and he rested his forehead on mine, the rain crashing around us.
"i always knew there was something" he whispered cockily. i rolled my eyes,
"not the time barnes" i whispered back.
listening to him chuckle.

"maybe we can dance again someday" bucky murmured, the both of us sat on my bed as i flicked through netflix.
"if you promise not to lock me out in the rain, then sure" i replied. he chuckled beside me,
"so..we're not together are we?" he asked, sighing. i shook my head,
"no" i said softly. he shuffled uncomfortably,
"so then what are-" he began asking.
"we're just two friends, close friends" i interrupted, trying to make myself sound right.
"right" bucky tutted. before another small conversation could start, pietro waltzed in, a bucket of popcorn in his hands, he jumped in the big gap between bucky and i.
"what is wrong with you two?" he asked, staring at us. bucky and i both shrugged simultaneously. the movie played and from time to time we cast glances at eachother. both of us knowing that there was more to us than we thought, but neither of us wanting to take it further.