God, I hate You

41

bucky had locked himself in his room for the past two days, after he had woken up, i had attempted to speak to him but his bedroom door was sealed tightly shut. i wasn't worried for him, or sad. i just needed to make sure that he was okay, that my friend was okay.

i had finally had enough, enough of him blocking himself out from the world. walking over to my vanity, i searched through my belongings but it wasn't there, i pulled what i was looking for out of my hair. a bobby pin. i stared down at it and twisted it in my hands until it had made the right shape. satisfied with my handiwork, i scurried over to bucky's door and slipped the pin through the lock, fiddling with it slightly until i heard a small and satisfying 'click' sound.

pushing the door open slowly, i peered in to see bucky standing in front his bed, his back towards me as he stared out of the window. i closed the door behind me and he span around, his eyes softening when he saw me standing with my back pressing against the door, keeping it shut. his softened eyes soon became filled with guilt as he turned back around, straightening his back slightly.
"need something?" he asked harshly. i cocked my head at the ferocity of his tone,
"just wanted to see how you were", i said gently, clearing my throat and taking a few steps towards him. bucky turned around,
"i'm fine" he said bluntly, shrugging slightly. he took a seat on his bed, staring up at me with an unamused expression on his face,
"are you sure because-" i began asking,
"i said i'm fine y/n" he said sternly. i held my hands up in defence and took a few steps back, part of me wanting to slap him because of his attitude.

we stayed silent for what felt like ages but was only a few seconds, the both of us staring at each other not knowing what to say.
"well i just wanted to say that-" i began saying, wanting to explain that i wasn't scared of him ever since he had beaten the shit out of me.
"i don't care" he grumbled, i furrowed my eyebrows, wondering if i had even heard him correctly.
"i'm sorry what?" i asked, striding towards him.
"i said, i don't care" bucky repeated, standing up.
"what do you mean by that?" i scoffed, shaking my head with confusion. he ignored my question and began to speak,
"i hate speaking to you, all you do is talk shit all day and it's tiring" he huffed, i chuckled slightly,
"is that supposed to upset me?" i asked, crossing my arms over my chest. he pinched the bridge of his nose, dropping his head slightly with frustration.
"y/n i haven't spoken to you for two days, one would think that you'd get the fucking hint that i don't want to be near you, speak to you or even see you" he spat, anger sticking to his words. i swallowed the salty lump in my throat and held my chin up high,
"well it wasn't like that before-"
"y/l/n i only did that to get the others off my back, so that fury would stop making us work together" he explained. i shook my head at him, scoffing slightly and turned back around, beginning to make my way towards the door.
"you're a fucking dick" i laughed, a fake laugh.
"wow i'm so hurt" he said sarcastically, placing a hand on his chest. i opened his bedroom
door but just as i was about to walk out, i decided to say one last thing,
"god, i hate you" i whispered loud enough for him to hear. peering over my shoulder, i watched as his shoulder fell,
"the feelings mutual" he replied. without another word, i slipped through the door, slamming it behind me.

i stared at the shut door and opened it again to be greeted by the sight of bucky sitting on his bed, his head in his hands. his head snapped up as he stared at the opened door with me standing in front of it,
"close your own god damn door" i hissed before walking back to my room and closing the door quietly behind me.

bucky's pov
"close your own god damn door" she whispered, staring at me. if looks could kill i'd be six feet under. i got up and closed the door quietly, before pushing my back against the door. i sighed to myself, regretting all the stupid shit i had said, i had just ruined my chances of anything ever happening between us. not that it ever would. i didn't mean anything i said, i wanted to see her everyday, i wanted to speak to her, to be near her. but after i had beaten the hell out of her a few days ago, i didn't want to take the risk and put her in danger again. she had a cut on her lip, bruises on her cheekbones and a black eye, and shit i'm the one who gave her those. however, she continued smiling, acting as if it had never happened. me staying away from her, it'll be for the best right?