"hey baby" gus said, coming back into my room after dark. "hi" i said. "what's wrong asp? you don't seem too happy to see me"gus asked, sitting down next to me. "gustav we can't keep doing this" i said. "doing what?" he asked. "this. you coming in my room in the middle of the night after your whore of the night is gone. i'm not here to fill the void when you're lonely at night gus. if you want me you have to want me fully, which i know you won't do so this has to stop" i said, coming to me senses of what i was letting him get away with.
"but aspen you make me happy" he said, "and you're making me sad gus, i'm just setting myself up to get hurt by you" i said. so take me or leave me, i'm not doing this half ass shit after you're done with the other girl" i said. gus looked at me kind of defeated. "aspen—" he sighed. "i care about you gus, i do. i'm still your friend but i'm not gonna be a girl you can walk all over and use me when you need me" i said.
"i don't know what to do, i really like you aspen" gus said. "you said it yourself, lil peep doesn't fall in love" i reminded him. "yeah, but maybe gus could" he said. "i'll believe that when i see it" i scoffed. gus rested his head in his hands. "you can go now" i said, knowing nothing would change.
"aspen, please. let me think for a second" gus said. "think faster" i told him. "i wanna try for you asp. i do. i really like you" gus said. "you do?" i asked, surprised. "yes, i'll be better. i promise" gus said. "show me some change and we can talk" i told him.
"okay" he said, taking a deep breath. "i don't want to hurt you" he said "well you are" i said, "you're sickeningly sweet to me, calling me boo and baby and kissing me and coming to sleep in my bed. then the next day you're doing the same to another girl. it fucks with my head gus. i can't handle it anymore" i said.
"i'll make it better. i'm sorry. it's just how my life has always been, no ones every stayed and i'm just used to filling this void. then you came along, you're actually nice and care about me and are genuine, not using me for anything. it's refreshing" he told me.
i felt kind of bad for him after he said that, i shouldn't but i did. "well, if you wanna be with me make me make it worth it. make me believe it" i told him, looking him straight in the eye. "i want you" he said, leaning in to kiss me. "gus" i warned. "i want you baby" he said again. i let him kiss me, falling back onto the bed.
gus held himself over me, the weight of his chest sinking into mine. his hand moved to my stomach, tugging at the edge of my shirt to try and pull it off. "not yet" i told him, he moved his hand and pulled away from my lips. "you've got a lot more work to do before we even think about going there" i said, i would absolutely not let myself become one of his void fill hoes.
if the small chance of gus fixing his act actually occurred, then i would consider being with him. i liked him, i found him attractive but if he couldn't handle settling down right now, if he was serious as he claims about me, then he's not for me.
"you should go" i said, scooting away from him on the bed. "okay" he sighed, seeming to understand. "we can make this work, but only if you make it" i said, he had the jump to make here. "okay" he said, standing up.
"goodnight aspen" he said, heading for the door "goodnight gus". i probably shouldn't have kissed him, but he was hard to resist. douchebag or not, he certainly had an effect on me.
cody was the only one who knew about gus and i's little thing, to my knowledge at least. maybe he told the other two guys.
aspen do you think he could change?
cody gus?
aspen yes
cody idk for the perfect person, maybe wouldn't be a linear situation either he's way too used to the way he is why you asking?
aspen he said he wanted me and he'd change because i won't be another one of his hit it and quit it girls
cody fair enough if he said he would give him a chance i guess he's never even considered that for anyone else before so you're a foot ahead of any other girl
aspen good to know thanks code
cody np i'll send u bella's number u can text her for boy questions she's probably more of a help than i am 217-734-8384
aspen thanks i'll shoot her a text
cody gnite
aspen pce gn
i'd leave texting bella until tomorrow, i was done thinking about the gus situation right now. all that can be done tonight has been done, there's nothing else i can do. it's up to gus now and he knows what he needs to do, if he so chooses to.
it was hard to not think about someone who basically lived in your brain, and who i knew was laying perfectly across from me through the wall. -
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