finding me while loving you

part 1

Grace's POV

Hurt. Betrayal. Anger. Sadness. Resentment. You feel all of these things when someone breaks your heart, no, not breaks your heart, but completely and utterly shatters it. You feel hurt when you trust them enough to not hurt you again, but they do. You feel betrayal because they found comfort in someone else's sheets while you were crying in theirs to be loved. Anger because they had the audacity to do this to you. Sadness because at the end of the day, even if it wasn't real on their end, you really did love them. Resentment because you could've prevented this, but you were too easily manipulated by those creamy brown eyes. So many things go into heartbreak, but the craziest part: you miss them. You think of them every second of every single day. What they're doing, what they decided to wear today, what they had for lunch, who they are with, if they watched the latest show on Netflix. Your life is so intertwined with theirs and it actually feels impossible and like you will never untwine. Someone can do you so dirty but you will still be rooting for them on the other side. Heartbreak is stupid, actually the dumbest thing in the world, but it's real. And you'll feel it. You'll hate it so much and wish and pray to god to make the pain go away but you'll be on day 8 and it will all feel the same with no hope that it's ever going to get better. Yup. That's exactly what heart break is.

Hi. My name is Grace but mostly everybody calls me Gracie. I'm a 22 year old nursing student, works as a CNA, and as you can tell, just had my heart broken for the second time by the same girl. I really thought I had found the love of my life, the girl I wanted to marry, the girl that I wanted my kids to call mama. But she yet again chose someone else, and decided to leave me in the dust. Things have been hard. Extremely. I've never felt this kind of hurt before, but everyone tells me I'm going to come out like gold on the other side. That I just need to "feel this shit" and it will pass. I'm wholeheartedly hoping that. Everyone's been trying to distract me, take me out to do stuff, but Sophia is the only thing that's ever on my mind. My sister, Penelope, is taking me out today and it is going to be the same exact thing. I am going to be out and about with people thinking that I am doing okay but I'm distracted, but Sophia will be the only thing running through my mind. I guess the only positive thing is that we live in Brooklyn, New York so it is a very busy city with lots to see and do. I at least am able to have a nice scenery to try and distract my mind. Penelope found this new, low key coffee shop that just opened off of Bushwick and 13 mile road that we are going to check out today. I luckily have some assignments to get done, so hopefully that'll be something that can slightly distract my mind. I was quickly snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the keys jiggling at my door, telling me that my sister was here.

"You ready to go? The shop opens in about 5 minutes and we have to jump on the L train to get there. We should probably head out now." Penelope said.

"Yeah. Sounds good. Let me just grab my backpack and we can head out. I need to refill my metro card."

"Of course you do, Gracie." Penelope said with a chuckle and we headed out the door.

We made our way to the subway and finally hoped on the L train, which was surprisingly slow.

"Have you reached out to Soph?"

"No, actually. I'm not giving her the satisfaction anymore. It hurts, but it doesn't hurt as bad as constantly feeling like I had to compete for her attention."

"Good, Gracie. I know that it's hurting, but you know how we all felt about her. She was not the one."

"I know you think that, but it's hard for me to feel that way right now because in my heart it still feels like it's her."

"You just need to work on letting that go, and put all that focus into loving yourself again. She did so much damage on you, and truly turned you into someone who wasn't recognizable anymore. It's time for you to start loving you again, and once that happens, the perfect person will come into your life. I promise you that."