finding me while loving you

chapter 35

Grace's POV

The words "You telling me you love me and me feeling loved are two different things." rang so loud in my head all morning. I have Demi laying on my chest and sound asleep. Her soft snores are so cute that I almost can't take it. I woke up quite a bit ago, running my hands through her soft hair and up and down her back.

I feel guilt. A lot of guilt. I don't know how I can love somebody as much as I do and still end up treating them badly. I swear, it's really not intentional, but I think I fall victim to getting so wrapped up in my own life that I don't really think through what I'm doing or how it's affecting Demi.

I have dreamed of someone like her my whole life. I know I've said that before, but I really have. I have to do the active work to not get so wrapped up in myself and make her feel like this anymore. It was only 5:36am. I couldn't sleep because my head was racing with thoughts and I had to get up and do something. Demi was passed out and I tried my best to squeeze out from under her without waking her up.

I got up and quickly got dressed and wrote a note and left it saying I was running an errand in case she woke up before I got back which I am praying she doesn't.

I went downstairs and grabbed Demi's car keys. I picked up my phone and listened to the dial tone.

"What the fuck? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, Mar, but wake up! You're coming with me." I said to her, giggling at her morning voice.

"Grace, I'm tire-"

"I'll be at your house in 20 minutes. Just be ready."

I hung up the phone before she could reply to me. I turned the radio on, of course, Demi being the first song to play on the radio. I smiled, my heart feeling full of love for my girlfriend, then guilt pulling at me again thinking of how upset she was last night.

God, why wouldn't I have just woken her up and had her come with us yesterday?

I pulled into Marissa's drive way, seeing her standing at her front door waiting for me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, seeing her in biker shorts and an oversized hoodie with her hood up.

"This better be fucking good, dude. It's 6am." Marissa said as she got in, a stale look on her face.

"Well, we can get some breakfast."

"Breakfast?! All of this for breakfast-"

"And then you can help me pick a ring out for Demi."

Marissa's jaw dropped and she looked at me intently.

"An engagement ring?! You're going to propose?" She squealed.

"No, not propose yet. But it will be a promise ring. A promise for it to one day be an engagement ring, but mostly a promise to fully commit to her and make her feel loved and wanted and needed and essentially a promise to never make her feel less than what she is, which is the love of my life."

"Oh you're so sweet and it almost makes me feel less mad at you for how upset she was yesterday."

My throat hitched and my chest felt heavy because she was right. "Mar, I swear to god, it doesn't mean anything but it wasn't intentional. I swear on everything, I love her so indescribably much."

"I know, kid. I understand. And I think it's sweet you want to do this for her so of course I'll help you. I'm just not sure why it had to be at 6am."

I giggled, the feeling in my chest not really going away yet. We pulled up to this breakfast spot on the beach, having breakfast while the sunrised. I pulled my phone out and saw I had no notifications, hopefully meaning Demi was still asleep.