In My Head • Bucky Barnes

Chapter 4

"Run me through this one more time."

"What more is there to explain Stark? Bucky is alive, he hasn't aged and he has a kid." My voice is muffled by my hands as I cradle my face. The stress has brought on an awful headache only adding to the long list of problems I am currently facing.

"But h-"

"I swear if you ask me how one more time I am going to punch you."

"Steve, chill out." Natasha hissed in my ear only making me tense up more.

She's still pissed that I went behind her back to scour out Bucky. Honestly I don't blame her, it was a stupid idea after all. Look where it landed me.

"You're sure the army didn't juice him up with some of that super soldier serum."

"I am pretty damn sure he would have told me." My confidence starts to slip as I allow the memories of the war to come back.

After receiving the serum myself the other vials were destroyed. No one could replicate Erskine's serum, not even Howard himself and he helped create me. So it wouldn't make sense for Bucky to be a super soldier.

Unless...

"He was captured by Hydra."

My voice was barely audible over the hammering of my heart. He was captured by Hydra and left in that facility for over a month.

"Steve what are you talking about?"

"During the war the 107th got ambushed and the majority captured by Hydra. They were taken to a base and were held captive for a month. Only when I found them Bucky wasn't in a cell. He was strapped to a table."

The mental image was too much. Bucky slipping in and out of consciousness whilst bound to a surgery table. His wrists and ankles rubbed raw from the shackles. But he said he was fine. He didn't tell me about any experiments.

"But that means Hydra managed to replicate the serum." Tony scoffed in disbelief.

"We already knew that." Everyone swivelled round to face Bruce who shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Bruce what are you saying?"

"Steve, have you considered that Bucky doesn't remember you because Hydra doesn't want him too?"

"Bucky isn't hydra!"

"You have to face the facts. You say there is a chance Bucky was experimented on and that he may have the super soldier serum in his blood. That makes him a weapon, a hydra weapon. God knows what they have been doing with him."

"Stop! Just stop it. Bucky is not a criminal." My anger drowned out all sense of reason. Before he could say anymore I storm out of the common room most likely snapping the hinge as I slam the door behind me.

I hate that they are accusing him of this. Bucky doesn't have an evil bone in his body. He would never become a Hydra thug, it's not in him. Besides what Hydra agent takes their kid on a mission?

---

Two hours later and he still hasn't calmed down. I gave up trying to talk him out of his anger about an hour ago. The others didn't even try. If he wants to be stubborn he can be stubborn on his own.

"Are we going to discuss this or..." Clint tried to break the tension and failed miserably. I gave him a small smile as a thank you for trying but it was quickly replaced with worry.

I haven't seen Steve like this before. He is normally so level headed and logical. One look at Bucky seemed to have stripped back any healing he had done leaving him craving his best friend again.

Bucky being a super soldier makes sense. After all we know Hydra has made super soldiers recently; the Winter Soldier for example. What was stopping them making multiple. Maybe Bucky was one of the unfortunate ones to get caught in their schemes.

But Steve would never accept that. The very concept of Bucky working for Hydra was laughable at best. He refused to see reason.

"Nat you need to talk some sense into him." Tony exclaimed restlessly. "This is the only theory we have at the moment and he needs to accept that possibility."

"I'll try, but I can't guarantee that he'll listen."

"Natasha you might want to hurry with your talk. It would seem Steve is trying to leave the tower."

"Are you fucking kidding me!" I swear he is going to get himself killed.

Everyone rushed to the elevator and I mentally prepared myself for a fight. What we didn't expect was Steve to be pacing the length of the elevator, gripping his shield for dear life.

"Steve..."

He jumps comically high, eyes darting between us. I can tell he wants to slam the button to close the doors but he doesn't.

"What are you doing?"

"I- I need to see him Nat."

I don't like this side of him. He looks so broken, vulnerable. I didn't realise how much this would affect him.

"Not like this Steve. Calm down then you can go." It may sound harsh but this is the only language we understand.

"You don't understand." I silently gesture for the others to leave and they reluctantly obey.

"Then help me understand."

"When I went in the ice I thought I would see him again. Waking up realising seventy years had passed was quite possibly one of the worst moments of my life. He was gone; really gone. Do you know how many times I wanted to....to join him. Too many. Now he is here and I need to get back the time we lost. But he doesn't remember me. It's like waking up all over again, he's here but I can't have him."

"Steve-"

"What does it take to get him back? I have lost him to Hydra once and now I might have lost him again. I can't go through it again Nat, I just can't."

"Oh Steve." I pulled him out the elevator and wrapped my arms around his neck. He let go of the shield and it fell to the floor with a clatter. He dropped his head so it rested on my shoulder, muffling his sobs.

"We'll get him back. I'm sure Tony and Bruce will think of something to help restore his memory."

"He didn't even recognise me."

"He will."