In My Head • Bucky Barnes

Chapter 1

Imagine that Captain America: The Winter Soldier never happened. Steve doesn't know Bucky is alive, nor the fact he is the winter solider.

Belle is on the autism spectrum. She won't be diagnosed until much later in the book, but she shows signs throughout. The stimms described are some that someone I am very close with has, but remember not every has the same symptoms.

I did a lot of research for this book but if I do get anything wrong please please tell me so I can change it as soon as possible xx

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After ten years I can finally give Belle the life she deserves. I had been sent on a month-long mission in New York and obviously Belle had to come with me. There was no way in hell I was letting her stay behind with Hydra. They set us up with an apartment in the center of Manhattan providing us with everything we would need for the month. Of course I had no intention of staying there. Belle and I would be seeking boarding elsewhere.

"Bucky look!" A squeal of delight erupted from the other room. I popped my head around the door to see Belle practically dangling out of the window petting a cat that had nestled on the emergency stairs.

"Can we keep it?"

"I'm pretty sure that is someone's cat. Look it has a collar." Belle's face fell and she drew her hand away from the animal. God, I hate seeing her upset. She had that same look in her eye when I told her we wouldn't be staying in the lavish apartment triple the size of the one we are in now.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You didn't know." I walk over and ruffle her hair. "Fancy coming with me to the store, doll."

Belle nodded with a smile and bounded over to her room. She returned bundled in one of my hoodies which practically engulfed her. I chuckled as she drew the hood, covering half her face.

"Comfy?"

"Very."

"Come on Ваше высочество, lets go." I swiped my keys and phone from the desk and was about to unlock the door when something hit me in the back of the head. I turned round to see Belle with her hand clamped over her mouth giggling softly.

"You forgot your gloves again." She said through laughter, pointing at the gloves that sat on my shoulder.

"Didn't have to throw them." I grumble drawing more laughs. I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing her laugh. I slipped the gloves on hiding the tell tale metal arm shooting Belle a look that said 'this better?'.

"Let's go!" She linked her arm through mine and pulled me out of the door. I'm not surprised she is so excited to do something as simple as go to the store. In ten years she has been confined to the facility, free to roam only four rooms.

On the short walk to the corner shop Belle was infatuated by the enormous buildings that seemed to kiss the sky. The smells of cuisine from all over the world mingled together creating a mouthwatering aroma. Although we both could have done without the crowded streets and deafening noise.

I'm glad I remembered to stuff my earbuds into my pocket otherwise Belle would have collapsed. She drowned out the people with music, gripping my arm whenever someone walked a little too close. Her body visibly relaxed when we entered the corner shop to find it virtually empty.

"See if you can find any sweets you like." I coaxed her in the direction of the sweet aisle and she eagerly started scouting the shelves. Keeping an eye on her at all times I walked around trying to figure out how much my measly allowance will let me buy. It's not like being the winter soldier pays anything. I'm amazed we managed to find a place cheap enough to rent.

Once I am sure I have everything we could need I head back over to Belle to find her staring at the shelves blankly. She turns to me with a frown on her face, brow furrowed in frustration.

"I can't understand it." She mumbled.

Belle had struggled with reading for as long as I can remember. It frustrates her when she can't read something perfectly the first time. I really tried to help her but it's hard when the only books you have access to are in Russian or German. Even though she can speak it perfectly, English is like a third language to her in terms of reading.

"It's okay. What are you struggling with?" I ask as calmly as possible. She picks up a bright orange packet and hands it to me. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. God I used to love these. I remember Steve and I rushing to the sweet shop every Saturday to buy them, praying they weren't out of stock.

"Good choice Bee." I spell out the name and she repeats near enough perfectly. I hand her the chocolate and as we walk over to the checkout she reads it over and over again.

We pay and I can barely look at the receipt realising just how much we actually spent. Belle rushes off ahead still reading the packaging when all of a sudden the door swings open and she collides head first with someone. She stumbles back, rubbing her temple.

"Hey watch where you're going will ya. You okay Belle?" I rushed over to her, removing her hand to make sure there were no injuries. Luckily there were no external injuries, but she looked rather shaken.

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay, miss?"

Belle didn't respond, of course, and looked at me with tears in her eyes. I grabbed her hand and went to glare at whoever made her cry. The rage evaporated instantly when I came face to face with crystal blue eyes that have haunted me since I was given back my memories. I could put no name to the face which terrified me even further.

"Bucky can we go." Belle whispered, tugging on my hand urgently. Tearing my gaze away from the man I nod and head out the door.

We walked in silence the entire way home. My mind was too jumbled to make small talk. Belle seemed to be in no mood for talking either. I unlocked the door to our apartment and kicked off my shoes. Belle made herself comfortable on the kitchen island as I packed away the groceries.

"Did you know him?" I shook my head, handing Belle the bread to put on the counter. My movements must have been too quick as she stared at me expectantly.

"I can't get anything past you can I?"

"Not when you stand staring at a supposed stranger for ages." Belle stated, kicking me playfully.

"I think I used to know him. Before..." I trailed off glancing down at my arm and she instantly understood. She hopped off the counter and engulfed me in a hug that I happily returned.

"It's okay. You'll be okay." She whispered snuggling into my chest. Sometimes it amazes me how much she cares, even when she is dealing with her own problems she still finds it in herself to comfort me.