MOIRAI (Man*Man)

Chapter 13

*Feelings*

Elmer shook his head, he isn't getting in that water that almost killed him a few weeks ago when they had come to do horse back riding plus Elmer doesn't know how to swim and he won't be risking it "Come on, I will teach you" Bert insisted, Elmer doesn't know how he got himself in this position, he had come for some fresh air and what is better than the air around a fall. He doesn't know how Bert found him but he did and now he is being forced to get into the water.

"I can't swim" Elmer said again, he has been saying it for a very long time.

"I said I will teach you"

"I don't want to get in the water" Elmer just wants to sit on the rock next to the river but not into it.

"Fine, you're no fun" Bert grumbled sitting next to Elmer "Why won't you want to get in, it is fun moving around in the water"

"You can go in" Bert sighed knowing nothing is going to work. Bert got up pulling his shirt off, he took his trousers off too resting them on the rock before walking over into the water. Elmer kept his eyes on Bert those things he felt the other day come back in his stomach. Elmer has been trying to get rid of them and he had thought they were over but now Bert is naked in front of him, this shouldn't be affecting him at all but it is that he moved his eyes away finding another place to stare at.

Elmer felt movement a head and he turned his head to find Bert out of the water coming his way with a jar that has a red fish in it "Where did you get that?" Elmer pointed to the jar.

"I am a witch" Bert smiled putting the jar up, Elmer took it in his hands watching the red fish move around.

"It's beautiful"

"I want to give it to you" Bert said biting his lip nervous. He doesn't know if what he is doing will hint on what he feels. He doesn't want Elmer to know how he feels but he saw the fish in the water and he wanted to gift it to him.

"Why?" Elmer asked staring at the jar "I know nothing about fish, it will die"

"I can help you take care of it"

"Why not leave it in the water for it to take care of itself"

"I wanted us to do it together, take care of it" Elmer doesn't see the point of taking the fish from its home to take care of it. It was perfectly fine in the water "I just want to give you something to make up for what I did"

"That is in the past, we are friends now"

"I know but I still feel bad, just take it" Elmer nodded watching the fish, what is he going to do with a fish when he spends all his time in the garden he will forget about it and it will die, that isn't what he wants "Am I supposed to leave it in this forever"

"No" Bert chuckled getting off of the rock conjuring a big jar, he filled it with water making it an aquarium "Bring" Elmer handed him the jar, Bert threw the fish in the big aquarium he has made "See, simple and all you have to do is change the water often and feed it"

"I still don't see why we shouldn't leave it in the river"

"Don't you want the fish" Bert asked with a hurt face, that wasn't Elmer's intention but he just doesn't want to kill the fish.

"I want it, just tell me how I am supposed to take care of it again" Elmer asked getting off of the rock making his way to where Bert is seated next to the fish. Bert smiled telling Elmer all about what he needs to do and how to keep it alive "How will I get it from here back to the castle" the aquarium was too big and Elmer is worried he might pour the water on his way back which will lead to the fish dying. Bert laughed seeing the mistake he did.

"I should have done this when we reached the castle" Bert does a lot of weird things but this was so wrong. Elmer chuckled staring at the fish, now they have to put it into a tiny jar again yet it had gotten comfortable, Bert always knows how to mess up.

"Now you going to have to destroy it's peace" Bert nodded, the fish looks like it has reached home "Do you think we separated it from its family"

"Even if we did, they don't have feelings"

"I thought every living thing had feelings"

"Most yes but they don't, they don't cry which means they don't feel pain like we do" Elmer nodded, staring back at the fish, they don't feel pain or cry.

"Now I wish I was a fish" Having feelings, to Elmer it just made his life miserable. If he didn't have feelings or felt pain it would have just been a blur, he wouldn't have cared what he was called or if people liked him or not, he wouldn't have cared because he felt nothing.

"I want to feel" Bert pulled Elmer form his head "If I didn't feel then I wouldn't have treasured certain things"

"Like what"

"I wouldn't have known how important you are to me" Elmer pushed his head back wondering what Bert means by that "Feelings make us know what we have and pain reminds us what we don't have. If I didn't have them I wouldn't have known how important you are to me" Elmer would accept with that, if he didn't have them he wouldn't have felt the pain but still he wouldn't have felt happiness too, like he wouldn't have loved his sister and mother, he wouldn't have felt the friendship he has with Ernest and Bert.

"You're right" Bert moved from his side sitting next to Elmer.

"Have you ever lost track of your feelings" Bert asked his eyes on the fish "Like feel them everywhere, that they start confusing you in what to do, where you should start from, how you should control them then you start asking yourself should I move in, should I follow them or should I let them be" Bert turned to Elmer who was already staring at him "Have you ever felt like that?" Bert's eyes were on Elmer's lips then back to the golden gray eyes that are staring at him with confusion "Never"

"I don't think so" Elmer has never felt before "No, I am sure I have never felt like that before"

"So you have never fallen in love"

"No, you have?"

"Yes" Bert admitted, he has with an impossible person and it can never lead anywhere.

"What happened, did she leave you?"

"I wish, I haven't said a thing" Bert confessed his eyes staring directly at Elmer's eyes "I am afraid that if my feelings get out I might lose everything I have" Elmer's head was spinning in circles because he thought Ernest was the only one in love with Bert since Bert seemed to not have that look. He didn't know that the love was being reciprocated, Bert also feels the same but since their love is not accepted that is why they are afraid to bring their love out for the world to see.

Elmer pulled Bert into a hug to show him that he doesn't care, even if he is fighting with these feelings he will always be available, always "You won't lose everything, I will always be here for you and Ernest will be here too" Bert nodded wiping away a tear that had escaped. He loves Elmer so much and this kills him each and everyday, not being able to tell him or have him, the fact that it could never happen destroys him every night

"The three musketeers" Elmer laughed putting his hand up attaching it to Bert's hand.

"One musketeer is missing, when is he coming back"

"He said a month but I don't know, marriage takes time" Elmer knew how this would be hurting Bert, seeing Ernest get married to someone else.

"He will have a gift waiting for him?"

"What gift?"

"Our fish" Elmer announced looking back at the fish.

"If you don't kill it first" Bert laughed as Elmer laughed nodding, he has to keep it alive if he wants Ernest to ever meet it