Risk and Reward

Chapter Three-Pulse

The three of us dally a bit more in town with more and more ridiculous ideas for gifts before I decide to retire and think more about my purchases from home. Emerald and Shadow bound over to me in greeting, but it seems Azriel is out again. With nothing better to do, I sigh and finally settle down at the desk full of paperwork for Feyre and Rhysand. The ladies are headed to the Hewn City tonight with Rhys, not that I want to see him right now, and Cass will still be caught up with the Illyrians. Naturally, my mate is on other business as spymaster that I don't push to know, but make sure he knows he can tell me.

The temptation to sneak back up to the Illyrian camp is strong, but even if Cassian didn't rat me out, then Devlon would. There's plenty to do here, anyway. I sigh as I flick through the papers and vow to at least finish organizing them with the hours of today that I have left. It's quiet other than the soft snoring of the mutts and their claws on the floor when they rise to walk outside. Hours pass and despite the monotonous work, I find it's soothing. I hear the softest of creaks as I set the last paper aside on my desk and the corner of my mouth lifts before I feel a shadow lick the shell of my ear.

"What would our High Lord say about you distracting his Advisor?" I tease before the cool touch of the shadow is replaced by warm lips.

"Rhys gets less paperwork done in a year than you have today. He'd be the first to tell you that some distractions are necessary." Azriel tells me in that sly way of his before his mouth glides down to press a kiss where my neck melts into my shoulders. I hum appreciatively while he chuckles, then pulls back so I can turn to face him. My love looks brilliant as always in his Illyrian leathers, but tiredness leaks from his eyes. "How'd it go today?" He doesn't need to specify with whom.

I sigh. "As it usually does. Thank you for the food you brought." I move onto my feet and his arms automatically open to accept me. A little breath of relief leaves him as he holds me and my lips tip up at the sound. He always makes it when he holds me. As if every time I'm more than a foot away from him I take away his ability to breathe fully. It's achingly sweet. "What about you? Hard one today?" I ask and his brows pinch slightly and gives me all the answer that I need. "What can I do?" This was a common question when we find out the other has had a difficult day. Sometimes just hearing it was enough to let me know I'm not alone.

The bunched muscles in his back relax slightly and his wings flutter a bit as he releases a little tension. "Come to bed." He requests and my brows furrow before I glance out the windows. Night has long fallen and I hadn't even noticed. I nod to Azriel and we float into the bedroom, change, then slide close under the blankets. I'd planned to ask him more about what had got under his skin, but once we're still, I fall asleep within moments.

Images and sounds flash through my mind. Nesta lying over Cassian's broken body, Amren blazing through the sky, Az and I surrounded by Hybern soldiers, Feyre crying over Rhys' dead body, Rhys not moving, not waking up—

"Kaira." A soft but insistent voice calls me out and my eyes snap open as I gasp. Our room is dark, but I can still see Azriel's eyes shining slightly with the light from the smoldering fire.

My skin is clammy and I'm grateful when his hand raises to push back sweaty locks of hair from my face. "I'm okay." I breathe and a relieved sigh leaves his lips as I sit up with a hand sliding over my tired eyes. His fingers slide behind me to glide up and down soothingly between my wings until I'm ready to talk. "I think...I think I'm going to fly for a while," I say and look to him as he nods slowly.

"Do you want company?" He offers and my head shakes.

"It's the same dream. I just...I need to clear my head for a bit." I lean forward and press a chaste kiss to his sweet lips. "Go back to sleep." I bid before sliding out of bed and putting on my Illyrian leathers. Our eyes meet one last time and he nods once to tell me he understands before I winnow out into the cold air above our house. My wings snap out and I take a sharp breath at the freezing wind that fills them like billowing sails as I careen over Velaris. Even at this time of night, the city shimmers like a handful of gems in the sun. My shadow floats over the buildings and I nearly smile at the reminder of my nickname from the war. People still called me the Shadow of Velaris every now and then, usually those that hadn't learned my name despite Rhysand happily proclaiming it along with my position.