Risk and Reward

Chapter Twelve-Forgiveness

A grin blooms on my face as the hounds meet me at the front doors, then run around the yard as if they know their parents need a little time alone. I walk through the front door and take a deep breath of the warm air. Our house smells like us along with warm fire and paper. I've yet to find a better scent in the entire world.

I take my time slipping off my shoes and multiple layers as I head to our bedroom, stacking clothes over my arm instead of leaving a trail. Az isn't in the bedroom and I know he'll be in his office to give me space if I want it. For comfort, I choose a light dress since the room is practically sweltering and I'm well aware he made it so on purpose. For me, always for me. Thick, fuzzy socks are pulled up to the middle of my calves before I slink out in search of my mate.

He's exactly where I thought he'd be.

His office doors are cracked open and he isn't even pretending to be working as he leans back against his desk with arms crossed tight across his chest. I push the left door open and his eyes don't leave the floor, but his body stiffens even more. "I'm sorry." He says instantly and his throat bobs when he swallows. "I failed you."

I release a long breath and shake my head as I take a few steps towards him. "Azriel—" I start, but he holds a hand in front of him before we meet. I pause, giving him his space as our eyes finally meet. The pain and guilt in them echo in me, but I fall silent so he can say what he needs to.

"I failed you." He repeats, hooded eyes on mine. "It's my responsibility to protect you, to prevent pain from reaching you, and I left you unprotected as well as caused you pain." His jaw locks and my hands clasp to keep from reaching out to him. "In the moment, I thought I was protecting you, but I didn't think of you first. Dismissed your words and emotions with the singular thought that I had to defend you while you were shivering on top of me." He uses each word as a whip to slice across his back and his knuckles are white. "If you want to leave, then—"

"Stop." I can't take it anymore and he goes still again as if preparing himself for me to turn on my heel to leave him in here alone. "Listen to me." My voice is gentle and pleading while his eyes begin to shine withheld emotion. "I am yours. My honor is yours to protect just as yours is mine. I'm not upset because you wanted to defend me, I was upset because you lost yourself in your anger. Our wellbeing, yours and mine, comes first before we start ripping off people's heads. Whether physical, emotional, mental, any."

I step closer and when he doesn't make any indication that I should stop, gently rest my hands on his forearms. His body laxes at the touch, but his expression doesn't change. "Listen to me," I whisper, choosing my words carefully. "I know your anger. Know it runs deep." That cold rage sleeps in him, put there by the abuse he suffered for so many years. I don't turn away or flee from it. It should be there. Deserves to be after everything he's been through.

My hands move to slide over his chest and rest over his heart. "But I know your love too. And I know your love is greater than your anger." I smooth my fingers over his face and hold him gently in my hands as his eyes burn into mine. "I accept your apology. I'm sorry for not telling you what happened."

"I don't blame you with how I reacted." He murmurs and my grip on him tightens before smoothing over him again.

"Don't do that. Don't use this to convince yourself you're unworthy." My hands fall to tug his arms from over his chest and he releases a sigh as they fall to his sides. "We both made mistakes. Now, we learn from them and move on. If you're willing." I trail off and smile when his hands lift to frame my face.

His eyes are soft as he scans mine and I open my mind to him so he knows I'm being honest. I relax further when he opens himself to me and I'm able to lavish love over everything that hurts while he does the same for me. "I'm sorry." He whispers and I lean into him as his arms slide around my waist to tug me close.