Do I still love you

Staying and nightmares

ARIZONA POV
"You really think you are going somewhere like this?" I said " I cam drive" she said " you can't even say can so you are staying you can choose one of the guest room because there are plenty of them and I will be at my massive room" I said "okay, thank you." She said. We headed upstairs and she picked up nearest guest room and we said good night.
I was afraid to fall asleep because I knew, that after flight and meeting again with Callie will bring me so many memories. Good and bad. But I was so tired and I can't sleep because my nightmares returned again. My nightmares are like wrap about everything I haven't done right. It's like one sentence from every bad memory. But I am so tired. I fell a sleep.
Nightmare:
"You know how many Arizona Robbins are on internet?" Lauren said one elevator
I locked the on call room with Lauren
"You didn't lose anything. I did"
"Apparently I lost you."
"Mark I'm waiting for you"
"Promise me you won't let them take my leg"
"Do you miss me at all?" "Of course" "Just...not enough"
"I'm going to New York with Penny"
"Let's all be happy."

It's like I'm trapped in every flashback.

CALLIE POV
I heard crying and screaming. I thought I was Sofia but Sofia seemed ok and fully in a dreamland. It was Arizona. Her nightmares are back again. I enter her bedroom and she is kicking around, saying something, crying and she is looking like she is in such pain. "Arizona" nothing "Arizona, honey, you need to wake up" I said little bit louder an she opened he eyes. Her eyes are red and puffy and empty. "What happened?" she said "It looked like you had a nightmare again" I said "I'm so sorry for waking you up" she said "Don't be. Are they back again? Why didn't you say anything?" I said "I can't sleep. I am so tired all the time. When I fall asleep they are back so I don't go sleep. But this was different. It was so pictured and real. I'm train wreck again." She said and started crying "Shh don't cry honey. It's worse because of the flight and I think because me to. Memories came back. Good ones and bad ones. You are not train wreck remember that. You are rare exotic bird." I said with a smile "Thank you" she said "and I'm guessing that you leg hurt pretty much now too?" I asked "You have no idea" she answered "can I look it?" I said "yes" she said. I know that she need a massage "I relieve that pain only with massage. Can I?" I asked because I know that she doesn't like to share pain "ok, thank you so much Callie" she said "anything for you Arizona.

ARIZONA POV
She gave me a massage and I am feeling so much better. "That was amazing. Thank you Calliope." I said and she smiled and said "It was nothing. I am glad that you are feeling better. So I'm gonna go." I don't want her to go."Can you stay?" I blurted out "Of course" she said. She laid next to me. We are lying next to each other and between us are only like 4 inches even my bed have like 2 meters. We are next to each other in silence and she broke the silence "Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" She said. I don't want to but I know I need to "to be honest a don't really much but I know I need to." I said "What it was about ?" She asked "About everything that I regret or everything bad that happened. Flight. Mark. Lauren. Things I never wanted to say or things I wanted to say but I didn't . It was like I was trapped in every dream but another was going on." I said with tears in my eyes "Arizona I need to say something and I think you are not going to like it." She said and I was kinda scared "I think you need to find a therapist again." She said and I was relieved because I've thought about it too "I know. I've thought about it too and I did some research and I found this old lady and she looks really nice." I said "That's good Arizona" She said "You know I think that I started loosing myself again and I don't know why. I just miss old me. I feel like I'm drowning and when i get out of the water something comes and push me down again." I said "Arizona you are strong remember that. Me and Sofia are going to help you and you are going to be far out off that water." She said. Oh my god how i missed her. I broke the 4 inches distance and I put my head on her chest and she put her hands around me. This was so comfortable. "If I start to kicking you, just shake with me" i said "Don't worry." She said
"Good night Calliope"
"Good night Arizona"
My feelings are still there and i still love her so much but I can't do it right now.
I started falling asleep and there it was. I wasn't having a nightmare.