Do I still love you

Crying

CALLIE POV
Sofia was asleep. Arizona still nowhere. She had her first therapy session again here. It had to be hard on her. I was sitting on sofa and then I heard the car stop. It is Arizona. I moved my stuff here around afternoon and rented my apartment. I just need to ask her what room can I take.
She entered the living room and I could tell she was smoking today. I think she couldn't go shopping. She just stood there looking completely lost. I decided to speak up.
"Az? Hi?" I asked
"Um...sorry.. hi" she said and I noticed her eyes are puffy and red
"Are you okay?" I asked concerned
"Yes..No... I really don't know." She said and sat on the sofa
"What happened?" I said
"Umm... I had my first therapy session. And the first ones are always hard, but this one was harder." She said and tear escaped from her eye
"Why?" I asked
"I told her something I told only three people and she told me to tell you. That I have to. I don't really know how to say this stuff that only my brother, Nick and Mark knew. But all three are dead." She said tearing and I got scared
"Arizona you don't have to tell me today or tomorrow. You can tell me whenever you are ready. I will still be here, because I am not going anywhere. And I promise that." I said
"Thank you. I will tell you but you have to promise me you won't be mad or freak out." She said and I know I can't promise that
"I promise" I said not knowing why
"Okay here we go. After break up with my first girlfriend I was lost. So I started cutting my self and I stopped eating. Tim knew about it and Nick too. Nobody really knew. I was really good at hiding it. Tim really helped me with it. I promised I would never cut myself again. After he died I didn't cut myself but I stopped eating. Nick helped me with it. Every time something goes wrong first thing I do I stop eating. I did it so many times when we were together and Mark noticed it. He was there for me and helped me. It is kind of my escape plan. I'm s sorry." She said crying and I just was sitting there and completely shocked
"I.. I..I am so sorry. I had no idea." I said still completely lost
"It's okay. Can we not talk about it today. I am tired." She said
"Yea.. Okay.. yeah." Still lost
She stood up and went to her room.

It was 2:30AM and I couldn't sleep. I still was sitting on the sofa. I have so many questions and regrets. How could I have been so stupid to not notice it. We were together for so many years and we have known each other for long time. Now when I thought about it I realized out she wasn't eating after she came from Africa. Car crash. Plane crash. Divorce. I could go and go on when she wasn't eating. She had Mark. After he died she haven't had anybody. It is my fault. I need to talk to her. Like right now. I stood up and went to her room. She was awake but she didn't see me. I could say she was crying.

"I'm so sorry Arizona." I said with tears and she turned around and saw me
"It is not your fault. I am just broken." She said
"You are everything but broken. You are strong and smart and incredible woman. You went through so many things and you are still making people smile every day just walking by and smiling. Don't you dare say ever again that you are broken. You are brilliant." I said
"Come lay with me Calliope" She said and I did like she said
"Are you okay now?"I asked
"I'm" she said
I hugged her tightly and she started crying. I hold her for hours. We talked about it and about everything for hours. It was like we were young again
"By the way me and Hermann need to do found rising ball and you are invited so buy a nice dress." she said
"You have a ball huh?" I asked
"I think we have and I have to give a speech and honestly I have no idea what to tell. Sometimes I miss Seattle. I was never nervous because there was so many people for me." She said
"I know" I said
"I think we need to go sleep now." She said and I was about to stand up
"Stay here. I mean only if you want to." She said
"I want to" I said and laid down, cuddled with her and was the big spoon again.
"Good night Calliope" she said
"Good night Az." I said
She was asleep like in 3 minutes. How somebody can love somebody else that much like I love her. Sometimes it is destroying. I still love her so much. After all those years. Good or bad I still love her like I did when she first told me she love me or on our wedding day. I loved her so much on the day I walked out of the therapy room. We were so destroyed. I don't want to pick up different room. I want this room. I want to share this room with woman that I love.