Miss You More (A Joey McIntyre/Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

1

"Joey you promise me you'll be a good boy for your Grandma and Grandpa." Little Joey looks up at his Dad and nods his head. "Yes Daddy." Joe kisses his son on the head and holds his hand as they walk up to James and Susan's house.

They've been such a huge help to Joe over the last two years. He doesn't know how he would have gotten by without them. They keep Joey every other weekend and when Joe's working. Joe's glad they've stayed in Joey's life and honestly he's glad he has them in his too. Joey loves his Grandparents and he really enjoys his time with them.

"Merry Christmas Joe." James says when he opens the door. "And Merry Christmas to you too Joey. I think Santa might have stopped by here last night and left you a few things."

"Yay Santa." Joey shouts as he pulls away from Joe and goes in the house. Joe's about to tell James he'll pick up Joey tomorrow afternoon, when he hears his son say something that catches his attention. "Mommy! You're here. Did Santa bring you on his sleigh?" Joe looks at James. "Did he just say Mommy? Is Amber here?"

"Look Joe, she has every right to see her family, especially her son, on Christmas. I know it's been a rough road for the two of you, but can't you just let bygones be bygones? Please? It's Christmas, do it for Joey."

Joe is fuming. He's sure steam is coming out of his ears. But he respects James and Susan and would never deny them time with Joey. He just wishes they would have discussed this with him. Prepared him a little for it. Maybe even gotten his okay. It's been two years since he's seen her. He knows she's been coming around more, getting to know Joey, but when she's visiting, Joe steers clear. He'd just prefer not to see her. Not yet anyway.

Joe shakes James' hand and just says "Merry Christmas. I'll pick him up tomorrow after breakfast."

"Thank you Joe." Joe just waves over his head and keeps walking to his car.

He can't help but wonder how she's doing. Deep down he really hopes she's doing good. Not that he'd ever admit that. It still hurts that she left him and their son like she did. He tries to picture how she looks now, has she changed a lot since she left? Her voice pulls him from his thoughts.

"Joe. Can we talk for a second?"

He's glad his back is to her, because he's sure everything he's feeling right now is written all over his face. He takes his time to compose himself before he turns around. Which was all for nothing because the moment he laid eyes on her his heart began to beat like it was trying to get to her through his chest. He was sure if she came any closer she'd hear it banging against his ribcage.

"Amber. Hey." Joe was at a loss, words escaped him at this moment. He thinks about how many times he practiced what he'd say to her when he finally saw her again. "Go to hell Amber", "You are the biggest bitch I've ever known and I don't want you anywhere near me or my son", "I fucking hate you for leaving us". But none of that came out when he actually saw her.

"Hi Joseph. I'm sorry we didn't tell you I'd be here today. Hell, I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'd really like it if we could get together and discuss some things."

Joe hasn't taken his eyes off her face. She's still the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. She hasn't changed a lot, but she's definitely matured. She looks like a grown woman now, not a girl just becoming a woman. Joe's loving the subtle changes. And he almost allows himself to smile, but quickly stops himself. She's still the woman that left him all alone with a newborn to raise. She's still the mother that abandoned her child. She's still the wife that fucking shredded his heart.

"What's there to talk about Amber?"

Amber steps closer to him. She'd almost forgotten just how blue his eyes were. She wants to get lost in them. She can't believe how strong the pull towards him still is for her. She just wants to rewind the last two years and be in his arms. But she knows that can't happen. And she wouldn't want to trade the last two years, the growing she did over that time. She was stronger now. She was a better version of herself now. She just had to make him see that. She could tell it wasn't going to be easy though.

"Well there's Joey to talk about. And us."

Joe's face hardens, "Us? There is no us anymore Amber. You made sure of that. And we can talk about Joey when I know you're not going to run off again. I don't want you coming in and out of his life. Prove to me you're here to stay and we'll discuss Joey. For now though, I don't have an issue with you seeing him at your parents house."

Amber crosses her arms over her chest, hugging herself. Suddenly feeling a chill that's not coming from the Boston winter weather. She knew this would be difficult. He has every right to be angry at her. She just needs a minute to to explain. But it doesn't seem like he's ready for that yet. Jordan had warned her that he was still very upset. But he said he thought there was still hope for them. Amber missed him. She missed him so much. She missed the way they were the two days after Joey was born, the last time they were together. The only time they were together as a family.

"Okay Joe. I understand." When he turns to open his car door Amber moves quickly to get between him and his car. "Wait."

Joe doesn't move, they are so close now she can smell the peppermint on his breath. She can feel the heat of his body. He can smell her shampoo and her perfume. She still wears Coco Mademoiselle. "What is it Amber? I really need to go."

Amber reaches up and touches his face. "You look good. How have you been?"

Joe laughs. It's not meant to sound as harsh as it comes out. But Amber flinches and pulls her hand back. "How do you think I've been Amber? For two years I've tried my best to just be a good father. To raise my son to be better than me. And I've done it alone. You disappeared on us. You ran away and never looked back. Now you're here and you think I'm just going to be okay with you."

"Joe I'm really sorry. I was going through some things. I needed to go."

"Amber, YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART! Do you not understand that? Two years later and my heart is still in bloody pieces. Now please move so I can go. Please." Amber hears the shakiness in his voice and it hurts to know she's the reason for it. "Yeah. Okay. I am really sorry I hurt you Joe. Truly I am."

Joe gets in his car, but before he closes the door, he takes one last look at her and without thinking it through, says "Fuck your I'm sorry Amber."