Miss You More (A Joey McIntyre/Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

14

Joe and Amber sit in silence on his couch. There's so much they both want to say, but neither are sure how to start.

Finally the emotions of the day catch up with Amber. She lays her head on Joe's lap and begins to sob. Joe pets her hair and let's her cry.

"Joe, I could have died today. Our son could have died today. And I would have wasted so much time. Two years, we could have been together. Maybe had another baby. If I'd just stayed, worked through my problems with you. I'm sorry Joseph. I'm so very sorry."

Tears fall down Joe's cheeks at the thought of losing her or Joey forever. "Oh babe, please don't apologize. You did what you felt you needed to do for yourself. I'm not mad at you anymore. I'm just ready to move forward."

"Joe we can't move forward. Not until I tell you the whole truth. I didn't leave because I was afraid of hurting myself." Amber's voice trembles as she tells Joe why she really left for those two years. "I felt like something broke inside of me when I saw those pictures. Whatever it was that broke was already cracked. I'd felt off ever since the day I almost lost Joey. My mind hadn't felt right way before he was born. The night I saw those pictures though, I didn't feel in control of myself anymore. Joe, I wanted to hurt him. I ran a bath. And I undressed Joey. I carried him into the bathroom and it took all the strength I had left in me not to put him into the bathtub. I used that strength to wrap him in a towel and take him to my mother. I asked her to bathe him and said I needed to run out for diapers." She's sobbing against him legs now. "Do you still forgive me Joe? Do you still think you can move forward with such a horrible mother who thought anout killing her own son?"

Joe has a hard time wrapping his mind around everything she just told him. He can't force himself to believe she'd honestly thought about killing their son when he was just days old. But what reason does she have to lie? And why would she ever tell him this lie. This story makes it all make sense now. Why she had to leave. Why she stayed gone so long. And why she couldn't call him to explain.

He finally understands though. She didn't leave because she was upset with him. She didn't leave because she didn't love them enough. She left to protect them. He'd heard about post pardum depression, but he'd never known anyone who'd had it.

She seems better now though. She'd told him she got help at a hospital. And when she felt good enough she came back to him.

"Please say something Joe." Amber begs.

Joe thinks hard before he says anything.  "Amber look at me." When she turns her head over on his lap Joe is looking down at her. "I'm glad you had the wherewithal to get help. I'm proud of you for knowing good enough to keep our son safe. Look Amber I'm not mad at you for having feelings you couldn't control. So don't you think for one second that this makes me love you any less. Thank you for telling me the whole story of why you had to leave. But it doesn't change how I feel about you. Now what do you say we go to bed? You could use some rest after the day you've had."

Amber's heart feels lighter hearing him say he still loves her, even after hearing the awful truth of why she left. She smiles at him. "I think that sounds like a good idea, I am really tired."

Joe reaches down and gently pulls Amber onto his lap. Her arms go around his neck and he pulls her against him. Her lips are touching his neck as she whispers his name, "Joseph" and it's the sweetest sound he's ever heard. She begins to kiss along his neck up to his ear. When he feels her tongue on his earlobe he can't contain himself any longer. Joe's mouth is on hers, kissing her passionately. They both get lost in this kiss. It's soft, yet frantic. Gentle yet possessive. It's perfect. It's the most perfect kiss, better than any kiss that ever came before it.

Joe wants her, he wants to make love to her, he needs to make love to her. He needs to never stop touching her. His arms move up and down her arms. The feeling of touching her skin is sending heat from his fingers through his entire body. One part of his body in particular.   He's rock hard, throbbing against his shorts. It's torture. He knows she's hurt and probably really sore after what happened to her today. He doesn't want to make it worse.

"Oh God Joe, make love to me now. I need you. I've missed you so much." Amber's hand moves down to his erection. She grips him through his shorts. Joe groans. "Baby are you sure you're not too sore? I don't want to hurt you."

Amber moves her hand into his shorts. Joe almost loses himself when he feels her soft hand on him. She begins slowly stroking him up and down. "Damnit Amber you're killing me, but that feels amazing. I've missed your touch." Amber starts kissing his chest and stomach. "Imagine how good being inside of me would feel Joe. Yes I'm sore but I'm not asking you to pound the shit out of me. I'm just asking you to make love to me, let me feel you inside of me. Are you going to make me beg?"

Joe pushes Amber's shirt over her head, she lifts her arms so he can take it off. "Wow."

Amber instinctively covers her breasts with her arms. "What? Is something wrong?"

Joe pulls her arms away. "No there's nothing wrong at all babe. You're just so beautiful. You've still got the most gorgeous breasts I've ever seen. They're bigger than I remember though." His hands move to her breasts and he gently squeezes. Amber moans at the feel of his hands on her body. Joe moves his mouth down to one of her breasts and nips at her nipple through her bra. This causes Amber to push her chest forward, pushing her breast against his mouth. Joe raises his head and Amber reaches behind her to unhook her bra. The anticipation of seeing her naked is too much for him.

Before Amber can get her bra unhooked there's a knock on the door. It's loud and the knocking doesn't stop, it becomes frantic. "Joe, you better get the door before whoever it is wakes up Joey."

Feeling seriously annoyed Joe gets up and heads to the door. "Don't you dare go anywhere. I'm going to get rid of whoever this is and then I'm going to ravage you woman." Amber giggles.

Joe opens the door and immediately regrets it. Oh fuck. Before he can say anything Sam throws her arms around Joe and her lips crash into his. She kisses him and he can't get her to stop. Joe's finally able to get her off him and he turns to see if Amber saw this unfortunate exchange. But she can't see down the little hall to the front door from where she's sitting. "Joe I was so worried about you today. I looked for you everywhere after the race. I went to Copley Square, where we said we'd meet up. When you weren't there I got so scared. I've been trying to call you. I've been to every hospital. I thought you were fucking dead. Why didn't you call me?"

It crosses Joe's mind now that Sam never crossed his mind this afternoon. What a dick he is. "I'm sorry Sam. Amber brought Joey to the race and they were there at the finish line when I crossed. I went to Copley Square and about five minutes later I heard the blast. I had to go find Amber and Joey. I knew they couldn't have gotten out of there before the explosions. Long story short Amber got hurt, I went to the hospital to see her and Joey. Thankfully they're both okay." Joe keeps looking over his shoulder. Sam notices.

"Wait, is she here? She is isn't she? What the fuck Joe? Have you forgotten everything that bitch did to you? She fucking broke your heart. You said you didn't want her anymore. You said you wanted me. You do want me, I know you do." Sam tries to kiss him again. Joe puts his hand up, pushing her back a little.

"Sam don't. Nows not the time for this conversation. We can talk tomorrow. Or sometime, but not now. I'm sorry." Joe moves her out the door. "I am sorry Sam. We'll talk soon I promise."

It hurts Joe to see the sad look on Sam's face. But he closes the door anyway. He runs his hand through his hair before he turns back to go into the living room.  He wonders how much of that Amber heard. Not that he would have hidden anything from her. He just wouldn't have used the same language Sam used.