Miss You More (A Joey McIntyre/Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

2

Joe needs to hit something. He needs to take his frustration out on something. But that'll only be a band-aid for what's wrong with him, not a cure.

Instead he goes to see Donnie.

Donnie always knows what to do in situations like this.

The entire Wahlberg clan is at Alma's for Christmas. Joe knocks on the door but he knows no one heard it over the noise inside. So he just walks in. What he sees makes him laugh. All the Wahlberg kids are there, with their spouses and kids. It's a chaotic scene, but a happy one.

Mark sees Joe first. "Hey Joe! What's happening man?"

"Mark! Long time, no see. I just dropped off the kid with his grandparents and needed to talk to Donnie, so I thought I'd stop by for a minute."

After a quick hug Mark points out Donnie in the kitchen. "Thanks Mark. Merry Christmas."

When Donnie sees Joe he rushes over to him. "Merry Christmas man. Good to see you. What brings you to the crazy house on Christmas?"

"I really need to talk to you. I need some advice." Donnie sees how serious Joe looks and it worries him. He's worried about Joe a lot over the past two years. Its been hard for Joe. Donnie's hated seeing Joe so heartbroken. But he's been really proud of him at the same time. No matter how heartbroken he's been, he's been such a great father. "Let's step out back. You okay?"

"Yeah Cheese, I'm fine. Just need to ask your advice about something. You sure you don't mind leaving the party for a few minutes?"

Donnie gives Joe a look, which Joe knows this look, it tells Joe not to be stupid. "Joey Joe you're just as much my family as the rest of these knuckleheads. I've always got a few minutes for you. Where's the kid?"

They sit at the patio table near the fire pit when they get outside. "I just dropped him off at James and Susan's. I ran into Amber while I was there."

"Wow! Really? So she's back? When did this happen? How was it seeing her again?" Donnie's got so many questions. But he stops so Joe can answer the ones he's already asked him.

"Yeah she's back, I guess. Apparently she's been coming around for a few months, spending time with Joey when he's staying with her parents. And they hadn't hidden that from me, I just made sure never to cross paths with her. But today she decides she wants to talk. I told her there was nothing to talk about."

"Good for you Joe. She needs to know she can't just suddenly appear again like nothing happened. She's been gone for two years. She needs to fucking explain that shit. Where's she been? What the hell was she doing all this time?"

"Donnie we didn't get that far. I had to get the hell away from her. God man she's more beautiful than ever. And I wanted so badly to stay there with her. Go inside with our son and be a family. But at the same time I was furious with her. I yelled at her before I got in my car and ended up here. What the fuck am I supposed to do Donnie?"

Donnie thinks hard about what to say to Joe. "Do you want to work things out with her? I mean after what she did to you? You've done just fine without her. Why put yourself through that again?"

"I don't know Cheese. Yesterday I never would have thought I'd ever want to see her again. Then, when she was right in front of me, smelling so amazing and looking like the most beautiful creature I've ever seen? Well now I can't stop thinking about her."

"Have you talked to Jordan?"

"No. Look I want an honest opinion. If she's mentioned to him wanting to try again with me, then he's going to encourage it because it'll make her happy. His opinion will be pro Amber. I need a pro Joe opinion."

"I understand that. Listen I'm no expert  or anything but I do know you Joe. And I know what she put you through when she left. I also know you never stopped missing or loving her. You think none of us noticed how you searched every crowd at every show for her face. And Joe I noticed how your heart broke everytime you didn't see her. You've wanted her to come back for so long, so why is it that now that she's back you aren't happy?"

"I did want her to come back, but not for me. I wanted her to come back for the kid. A boy needs his mother. Its been over between Amber and I since she walked away. I missed my son's mother, not my wife. And of course I still love her, but only as Joey's mom. I guess maybe I'll be happy when I know she's here to stay. When I know she won't hurt our son by leaving him again. I've felt this way for so damn long. But seeing her, standing so close to her that I could smell her same perfume she's always worn, it's fucking with my head man. Now I feel so conflicted. I need you to help me. Tell me I don't need her. Tell me I'm better without her."

"If that's what you want, then that's what I'll do. You don't need her. You're better without her. Let her be in the kids life, but you keep her at a distance. Don't interact, have everything go through James and Susan. Or me. I'll do pick ups, drop offs, conversations, whatever you need me to do. I'm here for you."

"Thanks man, I really appreciate it. I'm sure it'll all turn out fine. I just want Joey to have his mom. That's what's most important. He's already calling her Mommy and he was so excited she was there today. He thought Santa had dropped her off in his sleigh. Oh hey on a different note, I'm running the marathon next year. I've made up my mind, I'm in the best shape of my life and I've been thinking about this for a year almost. I'm just going to stop thinking about it and do it."

"That's great Joe. I'll be there cheering you on. Between that and rehearsals for the tour, you'll be too busy to think about Amber. See, everything's going to work out just fine. Now come inside and have some of Mom's eggnog. Maybe we can sing a couple Christmas songs or something."

Donnie stops and turns to Joe when they get to the back door. "Hey, are you and Sam still running everyday?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"No reason. How's she doing by the way?"

Joe punches Donnie in the arm. "She's doing just fine Cheese. And before you ask, the answer is no."