60 days of learning love ✔️

Part 32

Noah POV

T.W: blood, hospitals, Noah's mental state

Tyler's gone somewhere and he hasn't come back yet, I don't even know where he went! He could be injured or dead somewhere and I wouldn't know because the idiot isn't answering his phone, I'm worried about him.

He left at around 3 am, the only reason why I know this is because he woke me up from a nightmare I was having, well, he accidently woke me up. I woke up from the sound of the bedroom door opening and closing, so I knew he'd gone somewhere, but I fell back to sleep because I thought he was just going outside for a walk. He usually goes on walks if he's stressed about something, he told me that when we were having one of our deep conversations. I woke up again at 5 and he wasn't home yet, so I called him, and he didn't answer.

At first I was like, it's fine, he might just have his phone on silent, so I waited half an hour to see if he would call me back. I've been living with Tyler for over a week now, and I know he checks his phone every fifteen minutes, so him not calling me back was unusual, so it made me worry about him even more. So I called Olivia instead.

I asked her if she'd seen him, which she replied with no. I then asked if she knew where he could be, and she replied with 'you know him more than I do, what makes you think I know'. So then I told her I was worried about him and that I was shit scared something bad happened to him, so she turned sympathetic and said she would help me look for him. I turned her offer down.

I could hear Mia in the background of our phone call, and she was also asking if she could look for Tyler, but since her and Olivia have only recently been talking again, I didn't want to ruin their fun. So I hung up after telling them no and chucked my phone on the bed after trying Tyler's phone about ten more times. He didn't respond once.

It's now 6:00 am, and I'm freaking out.

A million thoughts are rushing through my head and one of those thoughts, the loudest one, is that he left because he finally got tired of me. I know, I know, Tyler has told me he cares for me a lot, he's even saved my life. But I can't help but wonder if I'd fucked up somehow. Like, maybe I mumbled something in my sleep and he got freaked out? Or maybe...maybe I mumbled that I...that I love him...

Shit! Oh god, if I did that then its all my fault! He probably hates me... He probably finds me disgusting or worthless. No, stop. Tyler knows I check him out when he gets changed (in my defense, he's hot, I can't take my eyes off him) and most of the time he encourages me to look (he's egotistical). So I know he has no problem with me being... gay? Bi? I don't know what I am... Is Tyler-sexual a thing? Because I might be that. Anyway, getting a little off topic there. He's not against me being attracted to him, but what if he's against me being in love with him?

Oh god, oh god, oh god. He hates me. He fucking hates me. That's why he won't answer my calls, it's because I'm pathetic. I'm so pathetic. And fuck, he knows I love him, he'll leave me behind, he'll fucking leave me. But I still need him, he knows I still need him...he wouldn't leave forever would he?

Fuck. I've messed up, I've messed it all up! He should never have saved me, I don't deserve to be saved. I don't deserve to have had someone like Tyler by my side, his kind words and comforting warmth, I don't deserve any of it.

Stop.

I need to think about this rationally. I might not have said anything in my sleep and he could just be seriously injured somewhere because he fell down a ditch on the way back from is walk and hit his head and now he's unconscious. That's also why he's not answering his phone.

Or, I'm right and I've fucked everything up.

It's most likely the latter.

I picked up my phone again and I called Tyler, after about 20 seconds the call went to voicemail, just like every other time.