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'𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒔𝒖𝒌𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅'
❌ ///// ❌
I don't get my feelings.
I have a perfect boyfriend. His name is Hanamaki and I couldn't ask for more, he is funny, cute, we vibe easily. We complement each other perfectly, I really couldn't ask for more.
The thing is, then there's Iwaizumi. I know he likes me and I know Hanamaki knows that too. I have no idea what to do, It's confusing, I've never really had a good grasp of real life. it's too...bleh.
Hanamaki often tells me that the only thing bleh in life is my smoking habit. He's probably right but it's the only thing I can seem to grasp while also calming my head. a bonus. Apart from the lung cancer that'll come from it in twenty years, apart from that, all good.
I've grown up pretty decently, it's been just me and my dad for as long as I can remember, he's not really a man of many words so we're not that close but that's just how it's always been. I like it that way. My mom passed away when I was born, my father tells me not to blame myself but I still kinda do.
🦋
Iwaizumi is being distant lately, I guess it's probably hard to see me and Hanamaki together but I still miss him. Plus, it's not like I've never felt anything for him too. He's also my best friend though and I miss him because I like when the three of us are together.
I miss us driving around at three am and shouting whatever lyrics come through the radio, usually whatever Hanamaki likes since it's his car we use. We'd drive until we'd see the sun poking through the blanket of night, and in those moments, I'm at my happiest. I think we all are.
Iwaizumi would usually grumble about being tired but he'd shut up once it would finally hit him that these are the best days of his life.
I love those guys with my whole heart, it doesn't quite feel complete though. It's nothing I mentioned before, I wouldn't want them to think they weren't enough, cause they definitely are, but something is missing. It's kind of always been that way though.
Iwaizumi used to have this friend, he'd grumble about them occasionally, about how 'Toru's gone M.I.A'. He'd be talking to himself but I always listen anyway, I'd watch as he'd unceremoniously tap at his phone as if he was trying to knock some sense into his old friend to unblock him. I never bothered to question him about it. It doesn't concern me really.
Whoever this friend is, Toru, they probably don't deserve Iwaizumi's time of day, it never seems to be reciprocated so I don't know why Iwaizumi's still trying. I also don't know why I care so much, It's none of my business.
It's hard to figure out what's going on in my head lately. My heart goes out to Takahiro but my mind is constantly shouting 'Iwaizumi!' At me. It's rather annoying. These feelings. I need a cigarette.
It didn't take much for me to figure out my feelings for Makki, but maybe I jumped too fast, cause now I don't know anything.
All I know is that Iwaizumi likes me, he told me he likes Hanamaki, Hanamaki knows that Iwaizumi likes me and I know Makki is harbouring a little something for Iwaizumi. Yet, Makki and I are together and Iwa is obsessing over this Tōru kid.
