sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ʙᴜᴛᴛᴇʀғʟʏ 🦋 || 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘸𝘢𝘰𝘪

𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐦

Matsukawa and Iwaizumi didn't stay over. As much as they wanted to, they wanted Hanamaki to have his time to sort himself out, to get his head straight and working again.

Plus, Oikawa seemed comfortable enough around him, in the space of a few hours they had clinged to each other, always needing to touch. It was quite cute. That's what Iwaizumi and Matsukawa thought anyway.

It was weird, waking up to someone else in the house with him, waking up to something other than loneliness.

Hanamaki woke quite early, needing to go to school, he didn't change out of the borrowed clothes though, he put his uniform back on over the t-shirt and shorts and got his stuff together.

Oikawa made Hanamaki breakfast and they enjoyed a cup of tea before Hanamaki had to go.

"I'd stay if I could." He said and Oikawa smiled, his heart flipping in his chest.

"I wish you could. Or, better, i wish i could go with you. I've seen enough of this place." Hanamaki had thrown him a sympathetic smile as he flung the straps of his bag over his shoulders. Oikawa didn't want to leave him. He was comforting. 

"How about i swing round tonight then?" He wanted to get out though. He wanted to get out so badly.

"That'd be great." For once he didn't feel like he was holding anyone back. For once he felt okay. Warm, even.

"Cool, see you tonight then. Should i bring the others?" Hanamaki didn't want them to feel left out, replaced.

"If they want to come." Oikawa didn't want that either.

Hanamaki gave Oikawa smile and left and suddenly, Oikawa was engulfed in silence again. He hated this silence, he needed more, he needed the noises of people who are unashamedly by his side.

But school is important and Oikawa can't handle school. Not at the moment anyway. Maybe by the time college comes around, he'd be able to confront the world. Maybe.

He didn't want to be locked away forever. It was time for things to start changing.

-

"Yo makki, how'd things go with Oikawa?" It was Mattsun who found him first.

"Great, he's really cool." Mattsun shrugged nonchalantly, nodding at Makki.

"I don't know if i got this wrong or what but...i kinda got the vibe that You didn't like him." Their conversation was hushed, as if it was some big secret. Even in the quiet hallway. They were supposed to be in lesson, they honestly didn't know why they weren't.

"Well...at first but...now..." it was hard to describe, the warmness in his chest and the need to always be there. It's how he felt when he fell for Mattsun, it's how he felt when he confessed to Iwaizumi. But Oikawa, he didn't know Oikawa.

"Now?" It didn't show on his face but Hanamaki knew that Matsukawa was desperate to pick apart the new found friendship between Hanamaki and Oikawa.

"Now i think he's really cool. Like i said." That wasn't it, they both knew that.

"What about Iwaizumi, did you two talk?" Matsukawa went quiet, looking down at his shoes.

"Kinda." Hanamaki didn't question him further, he knew Mattsun wouldn't tell him, he'd ask Iwaizumi instead.

-

Oikawa was sat at his front door, his hand resting on the doorknob. One twist and he could leave. But it was harder than that.

What if, he opened his door? He didn't have to leave, but if he opened it and nothing came in then maybe there was nothing out there to worry about.

Maybe, he could break that barrier between fear and freedom.

Oikawa sighed, twisting the knob and opening the door a crack. Nothing happened. He opened the door slightly more, enough for someone to sidestep their way through comfortably. Still, nothing happened.

Oikawa stood. Held his breath and opened it fully. His heart was beating out of his chest, his head going light.

But still, nothing happened.

He took a step, standing in the doorway. The cold air beat against his skin, yet it was so refreshing.

Another step, he was now officially standing outside of his house. He felt like crying.

And maybe there were tears burning behind his eyes at the fact that it had been so long. But he didn't want to cry, not out in the open like this. His mind was still constantly, violently reminding him of how vulnerable he was out here.

Here, not there, as it had always been.

He took another step, his lawn was slightly overgrown since there was no time to tend to it properly with his mind and his mothers shifts.

He took a couple steps this time, now standing at the bottom of his entry way, practically on the sidewalk.

He took a deep breath in, no one was around, everyone was at work or school.

He wanted to do something while his brain was somewhat okay.

Oikawa walked, he kept walking and walking, he found that if he walked fast enough, it wouldn't give people the time to look at him, to judge him.

He found himself at the convenience store down the street.

No one was in there except the cashier, but what a brainstorm that caused.

The cashier was just as capable of judging him, staring at him, berating him as everyone else was. But recently, recently Oikawa had been taught that maybe new people are okay, maybe they won't hurt him.

Oikawa took an extra deep breath, exhaling slowly and walking in, he instantly went to hide within the aisle that he was aiming for.

Oikawa picked out some coffee, the good kind, then stood there, working himself up to be able to go to pay.

After standing theres for a while, after mentally eating away at his courage, them eating away at his fear, almost like evening it out, Oikawa found his legs moving him to the till.

He found himself paying and even forcing out a good morning then leaving.

It wasn't too bad. It was okay.

He did the walk back home, quickly running into his house and shutting the door. He was exhausted.

Oikawa flopped down on his living room couch and decided to take a nap. He was so so exhausted.