sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ʙᴜᴛᴛᴇʀғʟʏ 🦋 || 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘸𝘢𝘰𝘪

𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

Tw|| panic attack

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Oikawa had the worst case of the sniffles.

His throat was dry no matter how much tea Hanamaki shoved down his throat and his nose was terribly blocked.

He'd usually have to suffer through sickness alone but Matsukawa insisted on staying with him.

Iwaizumi went and stayed at home for a while after his mum pointed out that he had been very vacant recently and Hanamaki's parents hired him a tutor three times a week.

But Matsukawa was here, constantly apologising since the reason he was sick was their moment on the porch. Oikawa wouldn't change it for the world, he assured the boy of that.

"Hey Kawa, I'm just gonna go to the shop and grab some more medicine, I'll be right back kay?"

"Mhm" he was too drowsy to reply otherwise, his eyes fluttering closed under the soft, lingering pat on the head that Matsukawa gave him.

The boy had left and Oikawa had fell into a cozy slumber, well he would've if not just a couple minutes later there was a knocking on his door.

It wouldn't be Matsukawa, he would just walk in and he had only just left.

Oikawa lazily got out of his warm fortress, wrapping his blanket around his shoulders and sniffling his way downstairs. He was glad he had gained the courage to comfortably open the door now.

"Hell-" Oikawa stopped his greeting short when he saw Suga standing at his door.

"Hello Oikawa, I've just come to check in, your mum should be back by now."

"Oh...oh yeah! W-well she is but as you can see, I've caught quite the cold...she's just gone out to get me some more medicine. Yknow...like the caring mother she is." Oikawa let out a nervous chuckle at the end of his sentence, coughing slightly afterwards.

He was praying that Matsukawa wouldn't show up with the medicine now.

"Oh right, okay, well i guess now isn't the best time...I'll check in when you're better but it does need to be as soon as possible so, with that, i wish you a speedy recovery."

Oikawa mumbled a thank you before closing the door and resting against it for a moment. He was totally screwed. He couldn't keep making up excuses for her shitty behaviour.

His body felt weak and sore, his throat screamed at him for water as he found it hard to breathe.

It wasn't the cold though. Her shitty behaviour. Soon enough his whole body was trembling. Where was Matsukawa?

Could he have been a better son? No. She could've been a better mother. But she was perfectly fine before Oikawa was overcome by his anxiety.

But he was getting better. She had left at the one time he was trying. And he was trying so hard.

"Look at me now momma..." the tears came freely and his already runny nose started dribbling down his chin. You are disgusting, your own mother couldn't even handle you, why would anyone else want to?

Oikawa slid down his door, curling his knees up to his chest. His heart hurt. He dug his knees into his chest hoping to stop the pain, or at least combat it with something he could physically attach it to.

His hands gripped at his greasy, unwashed hair, pulling at the strands then mercilessly beating down on his head.

He could've been a better son.

She could've been a better mother.

Back and forth, validating himself just to tear himself down again. Either way he lost because his mother wasn't better and he wasn't good to start off with.

Where was Matsukawa?

His heart thumped against his knees, his toes curling and uncurling as the uncomfortable feeling of his anxiety rippled through him.

He squirmed against the feeling, shuffling around on the floor, hands still beating down on his head until he made himself lightheaded.

He decided to lie down against his cold wooden floor, curling into a fetal position, eventually losing the strength in his arms to carry on his myriad of abuse on his head.

It wouldn't change anything anyway.

He could've been a better son.

-

Matsukawa took longer than he meant to but the queue was massive, full of people trying to do a last minute Christmas shop.

When he had gotten back to Oikawa's house, he had tried to open the door but there seemed to be a weight behind it stopping him.

Matsukawa went round the side of the house, medicine bottles clanking together in the plastic bag he was gripping on to. He peered into the living room window to see Oikawa himself, lay, seemingly asleep, in front of the door.

Matsukawa quickly went to the backdoor and opened it, rushing to place the bag down and then heading equally as fast to Oikawa's side.

The boy's face was blotchy and stained with tears, his hand was lying loosely on his head, Matsukawa saw strands of hair that Oikawa must've pulled out himself.

He had had a panic attack.

"Oh Kawa..." he kept his voice soft, quiet. "I'm so sorry, I should've been here." Matsukawa frowned deeply before hooking one arm under his legs and one under his back, hoisting him up into his arms.

Matsukawa softly kissed each of his cheeks before carrying him to his room and laying him down on his bed.

"Ahhh, i need a cigarette." But he didn't move, Mattsun sat by the bed, watching the steady movements of Oikawa's shoulders as he breathed slowly in his sleep.

"Ahh Kawa. You're gonna be Okay dear." Matsukawa knew how Oikawa tended to sleep for days after a panic attack, the instances taking a massive toll on him, but he intended to stay right where he was no matter what.

By Oikawa's side, gently kissing his knuckles and forehead, loving the nightmares and tremors away. He was content there.

He'd make some tea and try and coax Oikawa to drink it then gently entice him to eat with some milkbread or some hot Agedashi dōfu.

It would all be okay.