sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ʙᴜᴛᴛᴇʀғʟʏ 🦋 || 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘸𝘢𝘰𝘪

𝐌𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝

Tw|| panic attack

•

"You okay Toru?" It was Iwaizumi. He placed a hand on Oikawa's shoulder, Oikawa relaxing under his warm touch.

"Yeah i, i just..." it was silent apart from the music still softly playing in the background.

"She's not really coming back is she?" All three of them looked over at Matsukawa, Iwaizumi and Hanamaki knew that the man had experience dealing with social services. He had a rocky year with his dad a while back, he could see straight through a lost child's lie when he heard one.

"Uhm...no. No I don't think so." Oikawa felt the tears coming now, his face heating up in frustration.

"Awh Kawa," Hanamaki frowned at him, Oikawa could see the heartbreak on his face. Hanamaki always held the saddest smiles when Oikawa cried. "You're too pretty to cry. Cmon now, come here." Hanamaki held his arms out, beckoning Oikawa to a hug.

Iwaizumi squeezed his shoulder before sliding it softly down to his back, urging him to the hug.

Oikawa stumbled slightly, pretty much falling into the embrace. Right here right now as Iwaizumi joined the hug from behind and Matsukawa was softly murmuring along to the music, it didn't matter if his mum wasn't coming back or that he was so scared of everything. It was okay.

He felt okay, he felt loved, he felt...in love.

Oh. Oh.

So this was what it was. He had fallen in love with them. All three of them.

Oikawa clutched harder onto Hanamaki's shoulder, digging his head into the man's collarbone and letting out a sob. He felt Hanamaki tighten his arms around his waist as Iwaizumi gently stroked his hair.

Matsukawa joined the hug then, putting his forehead against Oikawa's temple and throwing his arms around Iwaizumi and Hanamaki.

He felt another sob rip through him as his body started to tremble, caving in on itself.

The other three were most likely the only things holding him up from crashing to the floor right now.

Matsukawa untangled from the hug and urged Hanamaki and Iwaizumi to guide Oikawa to the living room couch where they sat behind him, Matsukawa crouching infront of him, looking up with sad eyes.

"It's okay Kawa, we're here for you, we aren't going anywhere. Everything will be alright." Matsukawa had a gentle hand over Oikawa's knee, his thumb rubbing over the skin of his knee softly.

Oikawa was hiccuping through his tears. They all loved him so much but was it enough for them to want him too?

The more he thought about them and him and their hands on him the more he couldn't stand their touch, the more he felt like that scared little kid.

"I...just- please...don't touch me. Please, let go." All three of them receded, putting their hands in their laps, watching Oikawa intently.

"Please don't look at me." They looked down, Matsukawa fiddling with the throw on the couch, Hanamaki twisting his fingers together, Iwaizumi sitting still, staring down at his socks.

"I'm sorry i..." they stayed quiet, giving him the time to collect his thoughts and himself. "I just..."

It stayed quiet. He couldn't finish, he didn't even know what he was going to say.
"It's Okay Toru, we understand." But they didn't because if they did they would've run by now, would've left him back in the dirt they found him in. If they knew he was in love with them they wouldn't understand.

"You don't understand!" He didn't mean to snap at Hanamaki, it was just like when he had slapped Matsukawa. Hanamaki recoiled slightly, not expecting the outburst. "I just- i just...just..." Oikawa angrily furrowed his brows, what did he want? Need? Feel?

Oikawa balled up his fists, curling himself loosely into a ball, pounding at his forehead with his fists as he willed his mouth and his brain to work.

He felt someone grab his wrist, he couldn't handle their touch. Oikawa ripped his wrist out of the grip, blindly swinging his fist at the person who had grabbed him.

He was thrashing now, his legs kicking at the couch, fisted hands swinging around wildly, he didn't want to be touched, he didn't want to be heard, he didn't want to be seen.

It was like his own personal hell inside his mind, why couldn't he just say what he wanted to say?

People were shouting his name, hands were hovering by him but not touching. They could see him. He wanted to scream and shout and fuss, he felt like dying, this was so painful, he wanted to die.

What?

He wanted these people out of his house, he wanted these decorations gone and the music to stop, he wanted his mother to come back, he wanted to hole away forever and he wanted to die.

How had he gone so far back into the kid he used to be in just a couple hours? 

But now, Hanamaki's soft touches were hesitant, Iwaizumi's voice was drowned out and Matsukawa's hands felt cold.

It was like he was underwater, he couldn't breathe, he didn't necessarily want to. "Just leave me alone! Get out! Get out!" He was still thrashing as desperate hands reached out to calm him.

He thought he could hear someone saying that they weren't going anywhere but it was all muffled.

He just wanted to be alone. Wanted to go back to his bland room and never come out. He just wanted his dad back.

He was there when no one else was. Funny how these things suddenly change.  

Oikawa felt his fist connect with someone's face and his foot with someone's shoulder. He was hurting them. They'd be better off without him. "Go away! Don't look at me!"

He could hear crying around him, feel the hands gripping harder, trying to pin down his movements. He could feel the drip of blood from the nose he had whacked. He was disaster in all that he did.

These people, they sure weren't to love him now.