The Word Love

XV

"How did you find my house?" That was the first thing that came out of my mouth when I opened the door. Rose was standing at my doorsteps with two containers of icecream.

"I called Eric," she mumbled, her smile fading a little, "But I thought that you should have someone to talk to and so here I am."

"Here you are," I breathed out under my breath. She entered and closed the door behind her as I walked back to the couch I was sitting in. She sat down next to me and handed me a container of icecream along with a spoon. I immediately pulled off the top and scooped a spoonful of the chocolate ice cream.

"How are you doing?" she asked as I indulged in the ice cream.

"Never been better," I lied and avoided eye contact with her.

"I'm serious Aimee. How are you?" she repeated in a more serious tone this time.

I stabbed the spoon into the icecream and looked at her, "I'm awesome, okay? It's not like he and I were exclusive or anything. I told him that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him, so if he wants to kiss another girl, then he can kiss another girl. I'm not bothered by it. I don't feel angry, or sad, or depressed, or like I just had my heart broken into pieces or anything like that. I feel freakin' awesome, so can we just sit here and eat this stupid fattening dessert in silence?"

Rose blinked and slowly nodded. I continued to eat my ice cream so that I could freeze the discomfort in my chest. It was almost unbearable, so I ate the ice cream. I ate it until everything in that container was gone. My stomach felt happy and content, but my mind and chest wasn't.

I threw the empty container and the spoon across the room. Rose jumped in surprise when I let out a frustrated scream.

I turned to her, "I need to do something."

She was staring at me with wide-eyes, still registering in the weird mood I was in, "Okay, we'll do something."

"What about baking?" I suggested.

"I don't know how to bake," she told me.

I stood up and lead her to the kitchen, "I can. Lets bake a cake."

An hour later, the kitchen was a mess. There was flour all over the counter, floor, and on ourselves. The cooking materials were everywhere. I watched an egg roll down onto the floor and the yolk from inside splattered.

The oven made a ding sound, and Rose opened the glass door and pulled out the "chocolate cake" we made. To be completely honest, it looked like a pile of mud being held together by who knows what.

"Okay I admit, I do not know how to bake," I announced.

We both fell onto the floor laughing. My stomach was cramping up because of the fit of laughter I was experiencing. I haven't laughed like that in years.

"It might taste delicious," Rose tried to stay optimistic but ended up looking at the cake like it was the most disgusting thing in the world.

"Or it might give us food poisoning," I snickered.

She and I both laughed again until we were interrupted by the doorbell. My laughter subsided and I stood up, "I'll get it."

Forgetting that I looked like a freak right now, I opened the door and my smile instantly dropped. He didn't look happy to see me either.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned.

"Get out of my way, Evans," he pushed past me and stomped into the house.

I followed him, anger starting to replace the happiness I was feeling just before I saw his face, "Get out of my house, Eric. You can't just come barging in here like you own the place."

He stopped all of a sudden, making me slammed into his back. He spun around so that I could see his glare on me, "I know I don't own the place. Your stupid, rich parents do."

He was about to enter the kitchen, but I grabbed his arm roughly to stop him, "You don't get to call my parents stupid, " I growled at him.

He yanked his arm away, "Your parents are stupid, arrogant, bastards who can't even do their job right."

Rose walked in on us, but that didn't stop me from slapping Eric.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Rose stepped in between us.

"I came here to talk to you because you've been avoiding me," he told Rose while holding his cheek. I kept my glare on him, anger was building up in my system and I wished there was a way for it to just leave. I hated feeling this much anger, "You just called me for her address, and then you hung up on me. We need to talk, Rose."

"Now is not a good time, Eric," she scowled at him while watching me carefully like I was going to explode any second. I did feel like I was going to explode.

"Why? Is it because of this bitch?" he snarled.

"Eric!" Rose called out his name like he was a child about to be in trouble.

Rage filled my vision and I lunged forward. Eric jumped back and I fell onto the ground. My head made contact with the wooden floor and I felt a sharp pain at the side of my head. It almost familiar and I guess that is what caused my panic attack.

I felt the closeness of my throat, the tightness in my chest, and the perspiration that formed on my skin. My breathing came out shortly and irregurlarly. I wanted to speak, but nothing came out but big gasps for air.

"Aimee!"

I felt myself being lifted up and that sent a wave of nausea and pain. Arms were wrapped around my body and I could hear whispers in my ear.

"It's okay, Aimee. You're going to be okay."

Rose kept on whispering into my ear, and slowly, I could feel oxygen filling my lungs again.

"I-I'm sorry," I managed to get past my lips.

Rose hugged me tighter, "You don't have to be sorry for anything. Just keep breathing."

The way she handled the situation easily gave me the impression that she had gone through this before. I remembered what she told me about her past, and that would have most likely caused her to have panic attacks too.

"Don't expect me to feel sorry for you," Eric's voice reminded me that he was still here.

I pulled away from the hug to look up at Eric. He was glaring down at me.

"You think I want you to feel sorry for me?" I scoffed, "I could care less about what you feel."

"But you just suddenly had a panic attack," he chuckled bitterly.

"It's not like I asked for it to happen to me!" I exclaimed, "You don't get to judge because you don't know what it feels like to have to go through a panic attack. You don't get to judge or act like you know everything because you weren't in the accident. You weren't there when my brother's car collided with your father's car. You didn't have to go through a year of physical and mental therapy all by yourself."

"I may not have went through that experience, but I did lose the only male figure I had in my life in that accident. Your parents didn't have to lose a shit ton of money in the lawsuit because they're filthy rich. My family was so close to living on the streets because of the money we spent trying to prove your dad of malpractice, " he argued back, his voice as loud as mine.

"Everything my dad did was right!" I screamed.

"I just wish you had died in that accident," he sneered, "I wished you died a horrible and painful death."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rose intervened and shoved Eric, "You can't say things like that even if you're angry!"

"I wished I had died in that accident too," I revealed something I have never told anyone before. Not even Douglas. Rose snapped her neck around to look at me.

I stared at Eric right in the eyes, "So you're not the only one who wished that," My voice came out rigid and cold, something I didn't intend it to be but it came out like that anyway.

"You're not the only one."