The Word Love

XVII

"I want a cat," Rose stated as we stared at a cat licking himself.

"I had a cat once," I told her, "He died from cancer though."

It was an ugly cat. My parents thought that having a cat was a going to make me feel better about Ty. What they didn't know was that the cat was going to have cancer and die a few months later. So much for another companionship.

"That's sad," she replied.

Then a bird flew down and landed its feet on the cement floor. The cat stopped licking himself and stared at the cat, his eyes following the bird's movement. In a swift move, the cat jumped on the bird and held it down with his claws. Rose and I looked in horror as the cat tore apart the innocent bird.

"Oh my god!" Rose exclaimed.

"I'm going inside," I quickly got up on my feet and Rose followed me. We both entered my house and Rose shuddered.

"I'm scarred for life," she murmured while walking into the kitchen.

I looked up at the clock to see what time it was. 3pm.

"Hey, do you want to go to the hospital?" I asked Rose.

She poked her head out from the kitchen to look at me, "You're asking me?"

I gave her a look, "Is there anyone else here?"

"Shut up," she scoffed, "And yeah, I'm coming."

She grabbed a banana and we both went out to my motorcycle.

"I'm not sure I want to be on that thing," Rose hesitated as she looked at the motorcycle.

"It's not that scary," I shurgged, "And plus, you've been on it already."

"When I was drunk," she pointed out, "I was on it when I was drunk."

"Do you want to get drunk?" I asked her as a joke.

"Ha ha, very funny," she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

I patted the motorcycle seat, "I promise to try not to kill you."

She put a hand over her heart and sighed dramatically, "Okay fine, just as long as I don't die."

Then we were on the way to the hospital. It was a quick ride since the hospital was close to the house. That's mainly why I can visit Ty a lot during the week.

"That was freakin' awesome!" Rose exclaimed when we hopped off the bike, "I want a motorcyle now."

"One step at a time," I chuckled.

When I finished signing in, Rose and I rode the elevator up to Ty's room. While in the elevator, I remembered the fight Douglas and I had. A few days later after the fight, I saw him kissing another girl at school. I was furious. I am still furious. I know that I shouldn't be because I told him that I didn't want to be together, but I can't help but feel like he didn't really like me since he has moved on so fast. He seemed really happy with her, more happy than when he was with me. That's why I didn't call him. His number is still in my phone, but I haven't called him.

"He's hot," Rose commented as soon as she saw him.

"Seriously?" I gave her a look.

"It's true," she defended.

Rolling my eyes, I sat down next to Ty. Rose sat on the other side of his bed and looked at him. His chest rose up and down slowly, and his breathing was the only sound in the room. There was a scar on the left side of his forehead. A piece of car glass stabbed into his head, and now he has a scar to remind him forever.

"I really can't imagine the pain you guys went through," Rose spoke, her eyes still on Ty, "It must have been really difficult."

"It was," I told her, "It was difficult and it still is."

The room fell silent again.

The day I came home from the hospital after spending a month there, I put a razor to my wrist. My parents were in the other room as I stood in front of the sink with my wrist above it and the razor on my skin. I knew where and how deep to slice myself so that I'd die. I thought about this over and over in my head many times before. I didn't want to live in a lonely world.

Then I looked up at the mirror in front of me, and the razor fell out of my hand. I couldn't do it. No matter how broken I was, I couldn't bring myself to end my life in such a horrible way. I couldn't bring myself to commit suicide.

So to refrain from thinking about suicide, I averted my focus into school work and Ty. That was all I allowed myself to think about. School and Ty.

"Hey."

Rose and I looked up at the person at the door and I was shocked to see it was Jenny. She looked at me and then her eyes landed on Ty.

"Can we talk?" she asked, her eyes averting quickly back to me.

Slowly, I nodded and followed her outside into the hallway.

"I want to apologize," she crossed her arms over her chest and gave me a look of guilt, "All those times I bullied you because I blamed your family for my dad's death was wrong. I was so hurt that I didn't realized you lost a lot that night too."

"I don't want pity," I glared at the ground, "The only reason why you're apologizing is because you saw me having a panic attack in the girls' restroom. You feel sorry for me, but I don't want you to," Then I looked up at her, "This is why I never told anyone about my panic attacks. They'll stare at me like the way you're staring at me right now, and I don't want that. So stop feeling sorry for me."

She frowned, "I don't feel sorry for you. I feel regret. The look I'm giving you is regret, not pity. I regret bullying you instead of being there for you. I regret hating you for something you had no control over. I threw years of our friendship down a well. So I don't feel sorry for you, Aimee. I'm sorry for betraying you."

Releasing a breath, I pulled her into a tight embrace and felt tears forming in the corner of my eyes. It may not seem like it, but I missed her. She was my best friend since we were on elementary, hell we were practically sisters. My heart broke into pieces when she turned her back on me.

"I forgive you," I told her and then pulled away, "But I don't trust you anymore, not like before. You turned your back on me, and made me feel worst than what I already felt."

She slowly nodded, a look of understanding and sadness took over her features.

"But we can try to be friends again, slowly climb up the ladder and see how it goes. It might never be the same again, but that doesn't mean we can't try to be friends."

"Thank you," she smiled a small smile.

I smiled back at her, but it faded when I saw him. He entered the elevator and looked at me for a split second before quickly looking away. My heart clenched and I felt overwhelmed with sadness. The elevator door closed and Douglas was out of my sight.