as we fall

i hate it all

i hate
spiders
and zucchini
and mascara
and slush.

i hate
fake friends
and clowns
and spicy food
and ants.

but mostly
i hate how you make me
lose
control.

i would do anything for you
maybe that's
the problem.

you change me, you know that?
sometimes when
i should be crying
i think of you

and i laugh

or when you make a joke
i wonder if you've already
told her the joke

and then i just want
to

CRY

i hate you
for what you make me

but i still can't help

loving you.