Une Fleure Fanée

Week 1 Part 1 (Tuesday and Wednesday)

     January 30, 2019. I'm back onto Ms. Abby's new dance team. I am the only returning member, and I am so excited. But I am terrified. I am really scared that I will have a severe relapse, and honestly, Mom is too.

     But we decide to be on the team because I am stronger, and I am sure that I won't crack. But my stomach is churning when we walk up to the reception area. I walk to where the producers tell me to go, and I see my new dance team members. They all seem blonde, but there are some brunettes. There is also a boy. I can't remember if it's Brady or Nicholas.

     I start to do my splits and stretch as one of the girls comes up to me that I didn't talk to at the auditions. I smile at her as I stand up.

     "Hi, I'm Savannah Kristich," she introduces to me, waving her hand.

     I wave back. She has straight brown hair, thin lips, and half-mooned glassy grey-blue eyes. I hadn't talked to her in the auditions.

     "I'm Lilliana Ketchman, but you can call me Lilly. I guess you kinda know that already," I tell her, giggling after.

     I shake her hand and continue stretching until the producers call all the kids and parents over. They tell us each other's names. There is GiaNina, Hannah, Sarah, Savannah, Pressley, and the boy is named Brady. I actually remember Brady. He used to take some classes at the ALDC, and we did a photoshoot together a while back. I'm glad I didn't forget my Fluoxetine. I get nervous and shy around new people, and along with Fluoxetine helping with my bulimia, it helps with anxiety.

     Then Ms. Gianna, the choreographer, tells us to go into Studio A to wait for Ms. Abby. I look at my Mom nervously. Am I ready to face Ms. Abby again? Am I ready to take all the pain that she may send me my way? I take a deep breath and walk into the studio.

     It's the same one I've seen on TV. I had trained in the studio in Los Angeles, so this is exciting but terrifying. I have trained here a little in Season 7, but not much, so my memory is fuzzy.

    "You ready?" Mom asks me.

    I shrug my shoulders and bite my lip. It is terrifying. She pushes some hair out of my face that had fallen out of my ponytail, and I suddenly hear the mechanic sound of a wheelchair.

    I whip around as I hear Ms. Abby announce, "Hello, everybody."

     All the kids, I included, reply back to her, "Hi!"

     I want to look scared, terrified instead of happy. My face is contorting to not what I felt like. I am in front of the same person that bullied me in the past. The same person that made me have this disease that I still have to take medicine for, a disease that will never go away. Instead of scowling, or my eyes looking like a deer in the headlights, I smile.

    "Welcome to Pittsburgh!" she says as we clap and cheer.

    I miss my dog and my dad, and my brother, and the house. But if I want to be a dancer, Ms. Abby would help me. But I wish to be back in Fayetteville with my family.

    "You did it! You made it! Give yourselves a round of applause," she tells us, and I do so, clapping a small amount. Mom puts a hand on my shoulder.

    I've been given the chance of a lifetime for a second time. She's been given a second chance at life. So have I. She says she's grateful to teach dance again. My hopes lift. Maybe she won't fat-shame me anymore. But my hopes are crushed within one second.

     "Don't think... for one minute, that you have a permanent spot on the team," she says, with a sly grin on her face.

     I tense up. As much as Ms. Abby tormented me in the last years, I need to be on her team to succeed as a dancer.