Une Fleure Fanée

Week 6 Part 2 (Monday)

     Five in the morning, the alarm goes off. Groaning, I shut off my phone and I lay in my bed for a minute. I have a bit more energy because of the disgusting food I ate. But I don't like that I ate food yesterday. Today's calorie limit is also 500. Try not to get to 500, Lilliana. But you can't go over 500 or else you will fail. You won't be in control if you eat over 500 calories, Lilliana. And that's what you want, right?

    Something feels off today. Oh, yeah. Brady's not here anymore. I get out of bed reluctantly and see tear stains on the pillowcase. I flip my pillow over, not wanting to remember the crying fit I had last night.

     I want to lay back down in bed and not go to dance. But I have to be at the studio by seven. I pull out a pink cropped hoodie so it covers my arms and most of my stomach, black leggings so it covers my thighs, and put my hair in a ponytail so my hair won't cover my face. Good, you're covered where you're fat, Lilliana.

     I don't think I'll put on makeup. The cameras won't be on us, so what's the point? So you want to look ugly, Lilliana. Put on the makeup. I put on a bit of blush and eyeliner, but I don't want to put too much effort. I can have a small breakfast and dinner today. I know I'm not gonna eat lunch. It's not worth it.

      I almost grab the apple, but my mind flashes back to last week when I had that apple for breakfast. It was sickeningly sweet, and it made me feel horrible. My hand pulls away and I go for a banana and a glass of orange juice. The banana has 105 calories and the orange juice has 39 calories. 144 calories for breakfast. Not too bad.

     I feel a little more energetic, but I know it's because I ate the food. I don't feel sick afterwards like I normally do, but I still feel guilty about it. I put my cup in the sink, throw away my banana peel, and walk to my room. I grab my phone and my duffel bag, all my dance shoes and equipment still in there. I grab my water bottle and I fill it up. It's gonna be my lunch for today.

     GiaNina and I are going in her mom's car. Mom is also going. Now that there are only two children and two parents, it's foolish to make Mom drive by herself. The car ride is dead silent. Not because it's six in the morning, but because this is the first time in the dance studio without Brady.

     There's a cold chill in the dance studio. Sarah and Press are already there. Hannah and Savannah get there minutes later. We're all stretching in the dancer's den. We all know that we're not okay. But none of us are very confrontational, so we keep our emotions to ourselves.

     Ms. Abby isn't in today. So we're all under Ms. Gianna's care for today. Six kids with one adult. First up is contemporary. It's one of the most emotional types of dance. That's definitely good for our emotions!

     "Girls, against the wall! I'm gonna walk through the dance!" Ms. Gianna yells from the corner.

     She seems stressed. She demonstrates and walks through the dance, and I can tell she's trying not to show emotions. She must be as sad as we are.

     "Start with your legs out hip-width apart and you're gonna reach your right arm out to the side of you. Reach out the other arm. Bend to the left. Once you're in, you're going to bend your right leg out and reach your arms up and over in a tendu. Use that foot that's out to turn to the right side. Point your pointer fingers down to the floor. Bend your knees and create a circle with your fingers and look up. Drop your arms and make them go behind you as you do a plié and body roll, like a butterfly.

     Cut behind yourself with two steps, right leg first. Make sure on your second cut that your right leg is in front of you. Pitch with a bent left leg. From the pitch, you're facing back, so you're going to do a half inward turn and you're gonna push your leg out straight. Push and turn with your back shoulder to face the front. Once you're there, you're gonna do an envelopé extension. Hand goes inside and it's bent. From the bend, rise up and extend. And step forward.