"Lilly, wake up!" I hear Pressley yell, waking me up sharply.
I catch my breath as I look around. It's just Pressley's bedroom. I take a peek at the time on my phone. Four in the morning. What? Normally, Mom would let me sleep in another hour. I groan and attempt to rub the sleep out of my eyes.
"Why so early? And why so loud?" I moan, sitting up and stretching out my arms.
"We're leaving for Canton at 6:15, remember?" Pressley reminds me, picking out her outfit and heading to her bathroom.
"Oh, yeah, thanks," I thank her before I hear the door shut and lock.
I rack my brain to remember my calorie count. Zero. It's a fasting day. I sigh. My stomach is already growling. Don't cave, Lilliana. You don't want to be even fatter on this trip, do you? I'm already prepared to endure two days of suffering since I'm not eating on competition day either, or cut, or be able to weigh myself. I'm slowly beginning to hate competition weekends. I look at my arms and the makeup looks good.
"So, do you want to sit on the bus ride together?" Pressley asks me.
"Sure. I'm gonna change and go back to my apartment so that Mom and I can go over the list and everything," I tell her and she nods.
"K, do you want some breakfast?" Pressley asks before I shut the bathroom door.
"I'm going to eat at my apartment, but thanks," I lie back, wincing behind the closed door.
She doesn't comment anything back, so I assume I'm in the clear. I wear my navy leotard with a black panel in the front and flowers on the navy portion, coupled along with black shorts to cover my thighs. Your thighs are so ugly, Lilliana. Why did Ms. Abby choose you instead of one of the other twenty people that made it into the final audition?
I blink back tears and force myself to wait to take the medicine until six o'clock. Maybe Mom will let me take an extra dosage of at least the Fluoxetine so I can at least enjoy the evening. I slip on a pink ALDC hoodie and head out the door. Pressley and I decide to both forgo makeup. I put my pajamas and llama in my bag before I leave her house.
"Lilly! Make sure everything is in your suitcase and then let's roll!" Mom calls out from my room.
I rush into my room and take a peek at my suitcase. My dance clothes, my hair stuff, my stretch bands, everything other than my llama is in there. I give her a thumbs-up before packing my llama in the suitcase. She leaves the room and I look at my arms once again. Another coat wouldn't hurt. If anybody finds out that you cut, they're gonna think that you can't dance.
"Did you eat anything? Do you want anything before we go?" Mom asks me and I freeze.
You have to lie or else Mom will force you to eat. You can't eat or else you'll become fat, Lilliana. You don't want to be even more fat. You can't add calories that will make you add weight when you already have to lose at least six more pounds.
"I... already ate at Pressley's. I'm not hungry anyway, but thanks," I reply, my face turned so that she can't see my cringing face.
"We're going alone, so go to my car," Mom orders as I put on my shoes and grab my suitcase and backpack.
I go down the stairs and I patiently wait for Mom to come into the lobby. I can't stop thinking about Pressley's duet. It's like a replay of what happened around a month ago. I was sucked in. And I don't want to be here. But, I also kinda do. It's torture, but it's safe. You'll become fat if you eat, Lilliana. Stay with this. You'll be happier if you become skinny. I don't feel happy right now, though.
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Une Fleure Fanée
Fanfiction***MATURE WARNING*** "The hunger is good. You had too many calories already. You're already fat." "They'll love you even more when you're skinny. You'll be their perfect little angel when you're nice and pretty." "Lilly, I heard you puking up the c...
