Une Fleure Fanée

Week 10 Part 4 (Wednesday)

     I wake up to birds chirping. Well, birds chirping on my alarm. But that's the closest I'll get to a fairytale. But instead of princess dresses, I need to put on the same red ALDC hoodie and black leggings. I need to use the same hairband to put the same blonde hair up into the same ponytail.

     I need to use the same makeup to achieve the same look that I used yesterday. I take the same white and green pill, and the same navy blue pill I take every day. The only new thing I do is add more foundation and concealer than the previous day. The quantity of makeup I use on my arms will increase little by little every day. But I don't care.

     You look fat in the cropped hoodie. That sliver of your stomach makes you look fat. You can't even see your ribs and you can barely see your spine through the clothing. Your arms look horrendous and your legs have no gap. You don't deserve this extra solo, Lilliana. You don't deserve to dance at the ALDC.

     I hold back tears. I need to dance today. But we're going to have to dance in sexy red lace leotards. But hopefully, I'll look better in it, because I'm deviating from the diet plan, and I'm not eating until after the competition. Yesterday, was my farewell day. Until Sunday, I'm not eating.

     "Let me guess, somebody is taking Pressley, Brady, and I again?" I ask as I enter the main room.

     "Ms. Ashley is today. I think we're gonna do a rotation system for you guys. Pressley is already down there, so go grab your dance bag and your phone and go down there. Grab an Ensure too!" Mom informs me, and I quickly go back to my bedroom to grab my phone and dance bag.

     I grab a raspberry Ensure from the computer and immediately throw it out. Mom won't be following me, so she won't know. Even if I wasn't starving, the raspberry Ensure is disgusting and I would probably do this anyway.

     I run down the four flights of stairs of the apartment complex to see Pressley doing a TikTok in the lobby. It's the renegade. I see Brady get out of the elevator. Pressley still doesn't notice.

     We sneak behind her carefully and begin to do the silliest faces and video bomb her while she does the renegade. She doesn't even notice until she uploads the video.

     "You sneaks!" Pressley squeals angrily, laughing afterward.

     "We got you!" I giggle as we notice the rain.

      Ms. Ashley notices the torrential rain, and she and Pressley offer to go get the car and pull it up to the door. We thank them and sit down as she goes to the parking lot to get the car. I sit down next to Brady.

     "Have you eaten anything today?" Brady whispers, careful to not let anybody hear.

     "Yes," I lie, looking down in shame, fully knowing I didn't.

     "You didn't eat anything, did you?" Brady asks, and I almost crumble.

     "I ate some toast," I quickly lie again before I hear the honk of Ms. Ashley's car horn.

     Brady doesn't question me, but I know he has some. I give him a sorry look before we brace the rain. We squeal and scream and giggle due to the wet feeling of the rain before we manage to reach the door handle. I quickly rush to the middle seat and Brady quickly gets into the seat next to me, shutting the door quickly behind him.

     We fall over each other laughing for a good three minutes before we eventually calm down. Once again, the car ride is full of memes and social media. I look at the comments on mine. There are the good ones like, "Such a star!" the silly ones like, "Lilly, get out while you can! Your mom is a psycho!" and of course, "You're an awful fat dancer, find a different passion sweetheart."