Une Fleure Fanée

Week 3 Part 3 (Tuesday and Wednesday)

     First thing, seven in the morning, is a contemporary private with the whole team. I think that means that we're going to have a contemporary group dance. I'm having a hard time focusing because of the pyramid. I had a panic attack and then an anxiety attack last week. I really hope I won't be on the bottom row. Chances are, however, I am. I'm a weak link. Ms. Abby doesn't like weak links.

     The cameras arrive at eight-thirty and our private ends at eight. That means we have half an hour before call time. The moms split up to think of stuff to argue about. That's reality television. My teammates and I do a lot of Tik Tok and chatting. It's a nice distraction to the pyramid.

     The moms and dancers are called to Studio A to begin filming. Ms. Abby wheels right in. No expression is present on her face. She seems mad but happy. I can't conjure up the word to describe it.

     "Ok. Congratulations on a big win," Ms. Abby says, clapping, forcing us to clap as well as she continues, "Second week out, second win. I'm proud of all of you."

     Proud? She's... proud? She's not proud of you, Lilliana. The urge is right. The urges have been coming in a lot lately. But I can't tell my Mom or ask if she can up my dosage. Or else I'll get pulled. And that's the last thing I want. I just have to appear stable.

     "But I'm... not proud of all your mothers. And some things need to change," Ms. Abby drops on us.

     I can't help thinking about if Mom ticked Ms. Abby off last week. I don't think so. But maybe I force my brain to forget.

     "So I'm actually going to send you guys over to Ms. Gianna; she's in Studio B. Okay? Go ahead. Get warmed up," Ms. Abby orders.

     We are all confused, exchanging glances at each other. But we walk out to warm up with Ms. Gianna. Studio B is really close to Studio A, so we can hear a muffled form of what the mothers are talking about while we are warming up.

     We don't catch all of it, but we catch some pieces about Ms. Abby scolding Savannah's mom for her behavior at the competition. Then, Sarah's mom backs her up. Ms. Abby actually called Savannah's mom a horrible mother. We don't warm up much after that because Savannah's in tears. We can hear Savannah's mom apologize. Then we have to act like we didn't hear anything because GiaNina's mom gets us back into Studio A for the pyramid. Savannah doesn't look any different. Her face isn't red or anything. I wish I looked flawless when I cried.

     You're not flawless. You'll never be flawless like Savannah. You're not as skinny as her, and you don't hold a candle to how pretty she is. I bite my tongue, trying to suppress tears of my own as Ms. Abby begins the pyramid. I'm definitely somewhere on the bottom.

     "It's time for the pyramid. At the bottom of the pyramid... Hannah. Now, last week, you did the right choreography at the wrong time. You choked on stage. That doesn't happen to members of the Abby Lee Dance Company. Understand?" Ms. Abby orders.

     "Yes," Hannah replies, barely audible to the boom mic.

     "Now, next on the pyramid... GiaNina, and Brady," Ms. Abby reveals.

     Why did she reveal two dancers at once? What is happening?

     "Brady I thought at the end of the competition, everyone should have been..." Ms. Abby made a fluttering sound to imitate whispering, "... about you. They weren't. Now GiaNina, same thing. Did you do anything wrong in the group? No. Were you spectacular? Eh. Not really."

     Wow. They were spectacular though. They didn't lose anything. If I'm not the next square on the pyramid, I may have been cut from the Abby Lee Dance Company elite team. Because second place never wins.