Une Fleure Fanée

Week 7 Part 7 (Saturday)

***lilly***

     Four in the morning, the loud phone put in the middle of the room followed by our mother's coming in groggily wakes us up. I can't take my pills until six. But there's no change whatsoever when I am medicated and unmedicated.

     I change into a sweatshirt and leggings, covering my hideous body that I hate to stare at. Classy. A wave of anxiety rushes through me. You're gonna make a mistake and you're gonna disappoint Ms. Abby, Lilliana. You're so ugly and fat. Kill yourself before the competition. You have time. I snap my hair tie on my wrist. It does nothing. Kill yourself, Lilliana. Kill yourself. I'm gonna need to find something else. I don't care if I hurt myself. I almost want to.

     Elliana brushes my blonde hair out. It's really tangly. I brush her brown hair out after putting it in a bun. The mothers are fixing all their children's hair and clothes, fussing over little details. Mom keeps fixing little flyaways in my hair. It's annoying.

     "Mom, stop," I whine, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

     She keeps fussing over my hair for another ten seconds, but I don't wanna swat her hands away like some of the girls. It's rude to do that. I just look at the floor until she stops.

     "Go grab Elliana and get on the bus. Give her this," Mom orders, handing me a chocolate Ensure.

     I obey, handing Elliana the Ensure, telling her, "Mom says we need to go on the bus."

     We grab our suitcases and make our way down to the lobby. Ms. Abby must be on the bus. Pressley is there too. She looks nervous. I grip her hand and squeeze it.

     "You'll be okay," I promise her.

     She's shaking. She doesn't wanna face Ms. Abby. Elliana walks ahead of us, putting her suitcase in the luggage department. Press looks at the ground as we walk down to the bus. I stay behind with her. She won't have to face Ms. Abby alone. She's already on the bus.

     Luckily, Ms. Abby keeps her distance and I let Press take the window seat so she can almost, like, hide. Elliana takes the seat right across from us. The moms come in shortly, then the rest of the kids. The producers get in last, and now we're off to the competition.

     Ms. Ann is fussing over Hannah. To be fair, Hannah isn't the strongest in her solos. I hope she does well. Ms. Yolanda is trying to fit in with the other moms, but the moms except Mom are fully rejecting her. The girls are also kinda rejecting Elliana, not really engaging with her or anything. Oof. Ms. Ashley is looking at her daughter worriedly. She should be worried. But I have my eyes on her too.

     There's no celebration for us. This must have been a last-minute book. Maybe Ms. Abby forgot to share it on her Instagram. Maybe the producers didn't get people to hold signs. It doesn't matter. You cost your team a celebration because no one cares about you. Your parents just use you. They don't care about you. Nobody cares about you.

     We go through a back exit to our dressing room. I relish in the pleasantness of the quiet entry. Ms. Abby checks us in and we go to the room that has the sign with our dance company name on it. The producers then tell Elliana to get her mom and that they're going to work on the dance to act as a private to set up the drama. While this is happening, the other girls are giving Elli weird looks.

     Elliana is beautiful in the dance, despite only having an hour to learn it. This is why she was asked to come back, Lilliana. She's so much better than you. I look down at the floor but quickly look back up, not wanting the other girls to notice. Once she's done, we head to the dressing room. I fall behind to take my meds. When I return, drama is being filmed for the television show, Ms. Ashley wearing Ms. Ann's tunic.