broken souls of blame | mileven

chapter four

DOCTOR VISIT

panic attacks at night were a normal for el but this was nothing near normal.

this was her 6th panic attack of the night and it was now 4am. joyce had just woken up about a half hour ago after hearing el's small sobs from her room and el still couldn't calm down.

will woke up about 15 minutes ago too after hearing the both of them but nothing was helping el calm down right now.

and whilst wills was focusing on trying to help el bandage the new cuts on her wrist, joyce focused on helping el to breathe properly.

her face was tinted strawberry red and her small hands were brought up to her hair as a coping mechanism that she developed over the years.

"in and out, el." joyce tells her as el trembles in fear, "i-i can't. h-help me s-stop shaking, i-i can't s-stop a-shaking."

will gives joyce a nod, signalling that her wrist was already bandaged properly.

joyce then moves to the bed and pulls el closer to her. she holds both of her hands close to stop her from shaking.

"it's alright, everything is alright. you're safe here." joyce whispers.

"i-it's all m-my fault. m-my fault." she sobs.

"el, it wasn't your fault." will states.

"he's r-right. i'm b-broken, i can't be f-fixed. i s-should do everyone a-a favour." she whispers.

"who's right? who the fuck said that!?" will starts to grow angry as she shakes her head.

"i-i wanna puke." she breathes heavily, "h-help me p-please." she lets out a chocked cough.

"it's okay, you're just nauseous. they're symptoms the doctor mentioned." joyce says softly.

"n-no, i n-need to puke. it's all t-too much." she cries, attempting to stand up as they both help her.

she continues to shake as they both hold onto her so she wouldn't fall. finally she made it to her connected bathroom and she falls to the ground and pukes in the toilet.

there wasn't much to puke anyways considering she didn't eat much today anyways.

"t-they never m-mentioned this." she sighs.

will gives joyce a look as she nods, "i think we need to go back to the doctors, el. the medication is definitely not helping you, we need to get you a higher dose."

"and what? it won't help me... it won't fucking help me." she sobs.

joyce gives will a look and a small signal for him to go back to bed as will nods.

once he left, joyce helped el off the floor and flushed the toilet as she leads her to the sink to freshen up.

"here sweetie, to wash your mouth." joyce hands her a glass of water as she shakily grabs it.

she washes her mouth with the water and puts the cup down with a sigh.

"better? can you breathe now?" joyce asks as el nods, "still h-hurts though." she points to her chest.