Persistent Dreams - Hawks x Reader (PAUSED)

Hopeless 🍊

C/W: Angst and depression, mention of post fight injuries.

Word Count: 3060

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When you woke up, you found yourself on the couch inside Shuji's living room, groaning as you sat up. Only to wince as sharp pain traveled up your spine and through your wings. A grunt and a few curses slipped under your breath in response to the pain of a sensitive day. Convenient.

Shuji rarely left you unwatched and unguarded. You know he meant well but by the second day you decided it was time to go home so you could sulk by yourself. He didn't like it but you told him you needed alone time.

As soon as you closed the door to your apartment, tears began to fall as you stared at your palms. No matter how many times you tried or how hard you forced it to activate.. Your quirk was gone.

Anger and despair boiled inside your chest, you screamed into the sleeves of your hoodie for what felt like hours, sobbing and weeping, even when you got a headache.

Shaky inhales enter your lungs as your lips tremble and wipe the snot from your nose. It's gone, it really is gone.

A silent whimper exhales in the form of a wheeze, voice long overused and the tissue inside completely raw. Shudders tremor through your body as you clench your jaw and grip your sides, paying little mind to your multiple bruised ribs. You hate the pain, it's a reminder of how you failed to keep yourself out of harm's way. And this time, it didn't just cost you your job.

You'll never be able to be a hero, nor can you fulfil your goal! You can't heal anyone, let alone Hawks. Oh God, you're still the only one who knows about him and Dabi. A growl rumbles in your chest but it comes out stale and weak.

This is it, this is the end of the road. Your career was short and time spent with Hawks even shorter. He hasn't bothered to text you, he probably never will. You're useless now, nothing to provide for him anymore. Who knows what he's up to right now anyway? Probably thinking about how much he misses your quirk.

Sulking as you pick yourself up off the floor you saunter off to the bathroom, changing the scenery to which you'll wallow in self-pity, and turn on the shower to attempt washing away the agony. It won't, if anything you'll feel more pain. But you don't care– stripping off your clothes to study your injuries.

Bandage's wraps helped the lacerations left behind but the internal bruising can't be reached by his quirk. Overall, your physical health has improved in the past 38 hours. Aside from the bags under your bloodshot eyes and the red tear stains on your face.

Tossing your wrappings into a pile on the floor, you climb into the hot shower and let the water run down your face, head, back, and wings.

All of it, all of the training, patrols, sleepless nights spent searching for the building from your dreams and stalking Hawks to make sure he was okay was..a complete waste of time and energy.

He's going to lose his wings after all. A choked sob echoes off the tinted glass and fiberglass walls as you drop to your knees for the second time today. You failed, only three months in and you failed.

What a fucking joke.

If there even was a reason for you to tell him, warn him– there's no point. The plan was to tell him and set up a way for you to heal him if Dabi still manages to burn off his wings. But you can't.

It's over.

...

That night, after your elongated selfcare routine finished with cold water, you laid awake in bed. Waiting to pass out. Hardly noticing the transition into unconsciousness until you found yourself frozen in place, forced to watch Hawks burn in blue flames. It's the same dream as your first, sounds of war raging on outside. Same agony, different night.