Leanna Clavelle | COMPLETED

Phase Twenty-Eight

I knew that each passing day I was losing. Again. Ilang beses ko ng sinasabi na ayaw ko na. That I don't want to get tangled with him anymore, but my heart is really stubborn. Ayaw paawat kahit na anong suway ng utak.

I was emotional and my mind was haywire after the confrontation with Gael. But I was aware my heart leaped into a joyous pit.

Hindi ako makatulog noong gabing iyon. Gustohin ko man ay pilit binibisita ng aking utak ang mga sinabi sa akin ni Gael nang makarating kami sa may kanto.

The silence that reigned between us is very deafening. Kanina pa siya huminto pero hindi pa rin ako lumalabas. Ewan ko ba pero parang may hinihintay akong sabihin siya. Hindi ko alam kung ano pero pahilim akong nag hihintay.

My eyes remained in front, feasting my view of the setting sun even though it's now covered with trees. But its light tinted the clouds with faint orange and peachy hues. I can't help but admire the beauty of it. It's like a reminder to me that after a long day, there's beauty that awaits. Even in a long time of darkness, there's light at the end that will brighten your day.

Nilingon ko ang katabi at nakitang nakatingin din pala siya sa harap. Malalim ang inisip.

My eyes stayed long on his side profile. Bigla kung naalala ang anak. Kung nabuhay siya, sino kaya ang kanyang kamukha? Is it Gael or me? But I doubt that it's me. In my most private daydreams, I've always imagined my baby girl looking like him. She's like my reminder of how my young heart got hooked with the man beside me.

"Gael..."

He looked at me and smiled.

Should I tell him about her? But I'm not ready for myself, but honestly, it's him who I'm not ready for. I'm not prepared for what will be his reaction... learning we had a lost child—forever lost to eternity.

Huminga ako ng malalim.

"Bababa na ako."

Maybe, not now... Not yet.

Despite the smile he plastered, I could see a glint of longing in his eyes. He held my hand. Bumaba ang tingin ko doon. He squeezed it gently and brought it to his lips to kiss the back of my hand.

"I'm sorry..." he said in an almost whisper.

I saw tears slowly forming in his eyes. Parang may sumaksak sa aking puso. The moment a tear will fall, it'll be over for me.

"I miss you."

I miss you more Gael. I whispered inside my head. Ang kanyang mga mata'y nangungusap. Wala naman pala siyang pamilya. I was wrong all along. Gusto kong ibalik ang panahon para itama ang pagkakamali ko pero alam kung malabo.

Those mistakes made me grow as a person. Hindi na mabbabalikan ang nakaraan pero ang bukas pwedeng paghandaan. Siguro, oras na para puso ko naman ang pagbigyan. I've been listening to my head for a quite long time, afraid that I might go wrong again.

"I'll pursue you again... Please let me"

I shook my head. "Hindi na kailangan Gael..."Bumagsak ang kanyang balikat. "No need to waste time, so no need to pursue me. I still love you too, even after all—"

I shrieked when he scooped and put me on his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his brow on my shoulder blade. Uminit ang pisngi ko.

"Damn, I miss you so much, baby." His hold tightened.

Bigla ko tuloy nakalimutan ang sasabihin. At ang tanging tumatakbo sa aking utak ay nasa ibabaw ako ni Gael. Hindi ako gumagalaw at parang kahoy. Buti nalang at tinted itong kotse niya. Baka ano pa ang isipin ng makakakita sa amin sa ganitong posisyon.