Memories of a stolen life (Bucky Barnes x reader)

22. The files

You had been introduced to Tony Stark who was also known as Iron man who owned the building as well as Pepper Potts who you couldn't quite figure out if she was his girlfriend or not since they seem like they have a love hate relationship.

Stark was keeping all the files that where wiped from the internet in his data base where it was safe since Shield was no longer an existing thing. Steve led you to a room where there was a desktop. It was the most simple one they had in the building apparently but Steve still needed to show you the basics of how to use it even though he still wasn't the best himself with technology.

The files where pulled up on the screen and suddenly your entire time spent at Hydra was laid out in front of you. You reach for the mouse to go and click on the first file but before you do you pause and turn to Steve.

"I'm sorry, do you mind if you give me a moment?" You ask calmly "I just" you took a deep breath "I just need to watch this for me".

"Yeah I get it" he responds "just give me a shout if you need me, I won't be too far".

You gave him a simple smile as he exits the room and you turn back to the computer.

You click on the first file. It was full of the first experiments that Hydra did on you. This was when they turned you into a super soldier. You listen in silence as Doctor Zola explains his process and what he is doing step by step. In some moments you can hear your own scream in the background as he going in with new tools. File after file you listened and watched as they wiped your mind. Along with files at the Russian base, somehow Hydra must have also hacked into old security footage of bases you and Bucky infiltrated together. The people you killed, all those innocents. Thinking to yourself it wasn't only fair that you forced yourself to watch you kill all those people. The pain and guilt it made you feel was unimaginable. You hated yourself for everything you did. Begging yourself to look away but you never did. It was almost like you owed all these people by at least watching what you did to them.

Tears began to gather in your eyes. Hearing the screams of the people you hurt and killed. A tear fell from your eye as you pushed your hand to switch it off. You wanted to watch all of them but you couldn't do it. It felt like your mind was about to explode as the tears began streaming more and more. That was enough. You told yourself you would go through these files and that's what you would do. You wanted to watch everything for Bucky to understand everything he's going through before you find him again. You took a breath and wiped the tears from your eyes before pulling yourself together to carry on.

Reading and watching Bucky's files made you realise how easy you got everything. From the sounds of it Hydra did a lot worse to him. Hydra never made you compliant, they wiped your memories but where never able to make you a loyal soldier. With Bucky they took it further and made it so that he had no inch of his own personality left. They stripped him of everything that made him, him.

While jumping through various files of both yourself and Bucky you found one of yourself which made your ears prick up. You where watching footage of you being tortured which Hydra supported under the belief it was for experimental purposes. You could tell the pain you where in was intoxicating with your whole body shaking and the screams you where producing was something that would give anyone nightmares. At this point Steve had walked into the room without you noticing but you carried on watching.

"BUCKY" you cried out on the video.

This was a moment so odd due to the fact it had been 3 months since Hydra had wiped your mind. At that point you didn't even know who Bucky was, you had no memory of your past life. The tears began to swell up again. It was heart wrenching to see a moment in your life where you where pushed so far that your body began to hang on to moments of your past life that you didn't even remember.

Steve took a further step into the room making noise this time which made you look back to see him. You could barely see however through the tears in your eyes. Looking back to the computer to pause the video.

"Y/n i-" Steve began.

"I was pushed so far that my body began to hold onto things and people that I didn't even remember. Do you understand that Steve? I didn't know who Bucky was, Hydra stole that from me. At that time I didn't know who he was and I still cried out for him. And even now I still don't know anything" you began to be visibly overwhelmed with tears uncontrollably streaming down your face.

"Y/n just calm down" Steve said trying to control the situation.

"I CANT CALM DOWN" your whole body was begging to freak out. It wasn't anything you had experienced before. You where so angry and out of breath "I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND STEVE I CANT REMEMBER ANYTHING" you shouted as you cupped your head in your hands "AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING" you continued as you threw your hands back down.

Suddenly with the movement of your hands all the electrics within the room exploded and set alight. Not just that, after it happened you looked down to your hands which was now home to all the electricity that just went out. Currents of electricity fired in between your fingers and around your hands.

Looking down in shock and fear you watch as you look at your hands turning them to see the back of your hand to turning to the palm of your hands again. With tears still in your eyes you look up at Steve who is in just as much shock as you.

"What the hell is happening to me" you blurt out to him.

"Y/n concentrate. Picture yourself putting all that electrify back into everything in this room" Steve suggested.

"What? but- I can't I don't even know what happened" you stutter out.

"Y/n just trust me, try it" Steve assured.

With that you followed his advice and shut your eyes and imagined all the energy around you right now flowing out of you and back into everything around you.

As you opened your eyes everything had returned to it original place and form and your hands where no longer sparking with energy.

"Well, now I guess we know how you got out of that cell" Steve stated.

"What the hell are you two doing up here okay I lent you my equipment because I wanted to do some charity work for the brain washed girl, no offence, but I didn't give permission to destroy my room" Tony Stark barged in and was shocked to find everything in the place that he left it. "Okay so does anyone want explain to be how the entire buildings electricity just went out and now suddenly everything back to normal"

"Wait I took out the whole building? Not just this room?" You answer in shock as you look over to Steve for support.

He doesn't say anything, all he does is walk over to the counter you where once sat at and started looking for a specific file.

"Here" he said as he pulled up video footage "this footage was taken 3 days before Maria found you. Just watch" he says as both you and Tony watch on.

In the background a doctor explains the procedure as he states all the substances he injects into you. Within a couple minutes you are strapped into a room full of wires before the Doctor hits you with 500 volts of electricity before the footage times out.

"I remember that, it was the last thing Hydra did to me before I left and it was the main motivation for me wanting to leave. I had enough of everything they where doing to me. Do you think that's what caused what ever is wrong with me?" you question Steve but before he could answer Tony Butts in.

"It seems Hydra was able to allow you to absorb and manipulate electrical energy. Would you mind coming to by lab?" He asks without expecting any answer other than yes "me and the big green meanie will want to take a closer look at this" he states as he leaves the room expecting you to follow but before you do you turn to Steve.

"Big green meanie?" You question.

"I'll explain later" he smiles as you both leave the room.