From Order into chaos (Male reader x Akali)

Chapter 14

*** Akali POV ***

I really did it. I am still absolutely thrown off my feet - my heart is pounding in my chest and not because of regret or a sudden realization that I did something bad... but because I was happy.

I did what I felt was right at the moment and tonight is something I know I will not be able to forget - the moment our lips touched something ignited within me and I knew at that moment what I longed to know.

But Evelynn's words are haunting me. If I do this at the wrong time... it might just ruin everything we worked for. I am scared, no terrified that because of this I permanently damage our relationship.

Those questions... tell me, (Y/N)... why? Do you really think because of our past that we don't deserve each other? That we are fools for even trying to do something like this? Then so be it. 

I'd rather be the fool than not trying at all, even if I know how much it will hurt both of us.

Maybe you asked that because you were never enough for anyone in your life - because of that you are so scared that you end up disappointing yourself again. I really wish I could tell you this... that I can get this to you ten years ago...that you are enough.

You aren't second best... after all, I'd rather have you in my arms right now than anyone else.

*** Normal POV ***

"That was your first kiss wasn't it?" she asks out of the blue.

Walking home, her arms interlocked with mine she smiles up at me, "You could tell?"

"I could feel you didn't really know what you were doing up until you just let your body go into autopilot," she giggles, "It was cute."

I roll my eyes, "I bet it was terrible."

She rests her head against my shoulder, "Nope. I liked it a lot."

I could feel my face redden, "Well..."

"Well?"

"That's good."

"God you are awkward," she laughs, "Who would have known that you would be this flustered about it. Don't worry," I return my gaze to her, "I don't mind it at all if anything I find it delightful."

I chuckle, "That makes everything a little bit easier," I then lift my gaze to the apartment, "How are you feeling about driving home? I could always drive you home but I have no idea how to work those things."

She shakes her head, "I am fine."

I then offer, "You can always stay the night... if you want to?"

She shakes her head with a smile, "I'd rather be in a bed that won't kill my spine, but I don't mind cuddling with you on the couch. As tiny as it may be."

"Er... didn't think that one through at all."

She lifts herself to steal a kiss, "Let's work on getting you a new place to stay first," she then grabs the ends of my hand, "I know this is sudden and there needs to be some time for the feelings to grow and then settle... but I really want to try and make this work."

"I want to make it work too," I say, "Though considering you will be my first everything it looks like I will be having you do mostly everything."

She stops me, "We will experience it together. There will be a lot of things, the good, the bad, and the ugly."

"Yeah..."

"I am not trying to dissuade you... I am just reminding you that our situation is a delicate one and it will need some delicate care," she winks at me, "Then when that is settled we can take it a little bit rough."

"We could always brute force our way to the end."

She laughs at my proposal, "If you are that willing I might have to bring you home tonight. Jokes aside-"

That was a joke!?

"- Please talk to me if something is bothering you. Anything and everything. Don't keep it from me either okay?"

I nod, "I won't."

She lets go of my hands, "Goodnight, okay?"

"Drive safely," I smile at her as she leaves, "Sweet dreams."

I am already keeping something from you. Now that we have gotten this far I regret not bringing it up when I had the chance. Now I am so in love with the idea of being with you that I am too scared that telling you this might just burn it all to the ground.

I could just forget about it.

Only Shen knows why I am here - the rest doesn't care at all. 

If I don't go back they will just assume the worst and go on with their lives.

No. I won't keep it from her but I can't tell her now - if I do that I risk everything we worked for to get here. Because how do I tell her that I never intended to fall in love with you... that despite lying about why I came here that I regret this being the reason.

That I wish we could have met under more normal and less forced circumstances. How do I tell you that, Akali, that despite all of this I am happy that it ended this way?

I brought this situation upon myself.

All that is left is to reap the consequences of my actions.