From Order into chaos (Male reader x Akali)

Chapter 18

Staring at my phone laying on the table next to the bed, too scared to open it up in fear of seeing a message that I'd rather avoid. Hell... it was so bad that I didn't even care about sleeping in this shitty bed.

Throwing my legs over the side, I just idle for a moment in place.

Trying to just build up my energy or at least try to get some sense in my head. I have seen it millions of times and when someone asks for space it is better to just give them that space. Though even the thought of that seeing me might just hurt her is killing me.

Who am I even kidding? This is the fruit of my labor. Why did I even bother thinking that it might end in any other way?

"I am so tired," I rub my eyes out, not physically... emotionally.

I turn in the bed, shutting my eyes just hoping.... hoping that it will all be alright and yet again I have no one to tell me that it will be.

***   Akali POV   ***

"Hey, sweety," Ahri says as she drops across from me, "I noticed you came home without saying anything and when I came to check up on you... you were already fast asleep."

I smile weakly at her, "I am fine. Just going through my own thoughts for a moment."

She frowns at me, "I have a feeling this is kinda my fault."

"Why?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Eve told me to let you figure it out yourself and-"

"Just stop," I sigh, "It isn't your fault. The people that are to blame are all hiding with a stick up their ass in a temple and they will never realize that they are good at ruining people's lives just as much as they honor tradition."

She then furrows her brow, "What exactly happened?"

"Thankfully... not the worst. He came here to bring me back to the Order despite him hating them. I don't know why he would do that... I honestly don't understand any of it but I am trying very hard to."

She smiles at me, "Not everyone can just leave their lives behind in search of a new one. They sometimes need help and for him... maybe this was his way to be rid of them? A final fuck you if you will."

I nod, "Maybe. I guess I really don't understand it as much as I thought I did."

"As long as your heart is in the right place. It happens to everyone - despite hating him because of it... you are trying so desperately to understand," she leans closer, "So many people in this world are so easy to give up."

"What do I do Ahri?" I ask her, almost pleading for her to give me some direction.

She smiles at me, "What do you think you need to do?"

I groan, "You are no help. I don't want to play the guessing game with you right now."

She stops me, "Think, Akali... you love him right?"

I nod, averting my gaze, "Of course I am, that is why I am sitting in this seat. I was hoping that he would be here, but I knew he wouldn't come but I still held out hope..."

"Does he love you?"

I lock eyes with her for a brief moment before I look back out the window, "He does. I know he does."

"Then why are you sitting here talking to me about it... when you should be next to him sorting this out."

I lower my gaze, not really looking at anything, "I don't know," I then look at her, "Geez if I ever want someone to break me down while I am already in a bad place I will definitely ask you next time."

She rolls her eyes, "Would you rather have Eve telling you 'I told you so'?"

I furrow my brow, "I was making a joke..."

"I know, sweetie. I am just trying to help you with some tough love."

I nod, "I know..."

"Well, to make it a little bit easier on you without giving you all the answers. Take some time to clear your head and then go back to him - I imagine he is one step away from throwing himself over the edge before doing something he might regret."

"Ahri..."

"If he really loved you... and you know that he does. Wouldn't it have been killing him knowing that he was falling in love with you despite his real reason for being here?"

In a flash, the memories flashback. it almost brought me to tears, the words... I am afraid to lose you... 

I rub my eyes out of frustration - what am I supposed to do Ahri? I am trying to keep my head on straight and be there for him but I somehow can't juggle the two of them. I should be with him... I should be trying to fix this.

Why am I even here? Why am I so damned scared of breaking my own heart!? 

(Y/N)... I just want to reach out and tell you that you are enough.  Won't someone save us from this misery, why can't someone stop us from breaking ourselves down.

I cross my arms on the table, lowering my head on them, "I have lost my way, Ahri. I am so conflicted with my hatred for my past that I am too scared to face it."

She then reaches over the table, grabbing my hand, "Don't you think it is about time that you face it and tell them where to stick it?"

I smile at her, "I think so too."

***   ***   ***

Getting ready for bed - I yawn as I stretch my arms behind me. I look at my phone and quickly pick it up. Looking at the messages... there was nothing.

I hover over his name, waiting for something... anything.

As if he could hear me, the text 'busy writing' appears. My heart swells with anticipation of what comes next. I even shift in my bed as I await his text.

"I am going back to the Order tonight."

What the fuck!? Throwing myself out of bed I grab some clothes, rushing out as I dress myself to rush to my bike. Not even bothering texting I rush past the three of them - not stopping.

What are you doing, (Y/N)? Please don't tell me it is what I think it is!