bullshit.

correct quotes

[bridgette and eva approach ezekiel]
bridgette: hey, my girlfriend saw you across the bar and we hate your vibe. we're gonna beat the shit out of you now.

//

justin: please stop asking the universe to send you the most amazing and sexy person in the world, i cannot be everywhere at once

//

geoff: dj broke his jaw and now has to eat all his food with a straw
duncan: wow, that sucks
geoff: ...i know what a straw does, duncan

//

bridgette: when i die and go to heaven, i hope i can get wings
geoff: what kind do you want? i hope i get lemon pepper

//

alejandro: what is your biggest pet peeve?
tyler: i definitely want a rottweiler.

//

bridgette: jesus loves you! :)
katie: i'm literally a minor

//

[over text]
duncan: i want you
courtney: ?
duncan: that wasn't me
duncan: sorry
courtney: who was it then?
duncan: my demons

//

gwen:
cody: yes babe angel numbers are totally real. 333 am i right? haha i can just feel that crystal balancing my shakira's. can i get a taste of that head chakra though?

//

lindsay: as a model, you have to have the perfect walk. i didnt start walking until i was eight and now i'm walking runways in paris.

//

noah: i wish i was dumb you guys look like you're having fun.

//

cody: hey, i like your pants.
noah: thanks. they were 50% off.
cody: i'd like them better if they were 100% off ;)
noah: stores cant just give away clothes for free.
cody: wait, no. that's no-
noah: that's a horrible way to run a business. do you even know how the economy works? look-

//

harold: my love for you is like pi
leshawna: ..infinite?
duncan, listening in: irrational.

//

courtney: what's the score!? who's winning!? am i beating duncan!?
therapist: ok, that's not really how couples therapy works..

//

geoff: has anyone ever tried making edibles without weed? like virgin edibles?
dj:
dj: that is literally just food.

//

noah: ugh, my allergies are acting up.
eva: got it
eva, reaching for a frying pan: did you know that you cant sneeze while you're unconscious?

//

courtney, the interviewer: what can you bring to this company?
geoff: hella good vibes

//

interviewer: you have a three year gap on your resume that just says 'vengeance.'
courtney:
interviewer:
courtney: i dont see how that concerns you.

//

genie: you have three wishes
geoff: make alejandro ugly
genie: you got it
geoff: give him donkey ears
genie: ok
geoff: make him bald
genie: dude what is your problem

//

cody: yeah i'll probably die alone
dj: no, i said are you dining alone.
cody: oh yeah that too

//

leshawna: when crows remember people who wronged them, its "intelligent" and "cool," but when i do it, i'm "petty" and "need to move on."

//

cody: hey girl, what's your name?
gwen: dont touch me.
cody: sounds exotic. i'm cody!

//

owen: can i ask a dumb question?
noah: better than anyone i know.

//

gwen: [wears dark gray]
duncan: i see you're breaking out the spring colors.

//

dj: dont let anyone ruin your day, geoff!
duncan: yeah! take matters into your own hands! ruin your own day!

//

izzy, after setting the kitchen on fire: am i in trouble?
eva: take a guess.
izzy: no?
noah: take another guess.

//

dj: i'm sorry to tell you this but you have a heart. and the capacity to feel.
duncan: you take that back.

//

noah: i'm on my way. is there anything i need to bring?
owen: positive vibes! :)
noah: i'm not coming.

//

owen: excuse me, miss, have you ever been arrested?
izzy: yes.
owen: i was going to say 'because it's illegal to be that cute' but now i'm curious.
izzy: arson.

//

noah: in all due respect, which is none-

//

owen: okay, i didnt know what kind of coffee you liked, so i got them all.
noah: owen.. that's like fifty cups..