Let It Go

35.

She kissed him. She freaking kissed him. She saw him leaning towards her, knew what he was going to do. And what had she done? She had leaned forward and met his lips. She had kissed him. Kissed Derek Shepherd. Kissed the man who had treated her like crap for saving his nephew's life. Kissed her boss! What had she been thinking?

She hadn't been thinking. She hadn't been thinking one little bit. There had been kids playing and sparklers flashing. That was fun. Then Derek had started talking about how he'd missed his family while he'd been in Green Bay and she had looked at him and seen stuff in his eyes. And she had kissed him. Which was stupid. Totally stupid. She had kissed her boss. Which wasn't a big deal seeing as it seemed half the staff at the hospital were married to each other. But he was still her boss and now things were going to be awkward. And he had been horrible to her after the accident. He had said things and did things. But she had kissed him. Because she hadn't been thinking.

But the kiss hadn't been bad. Kissing Derek, yes, bad. But the kiss itself? Not so bad. She had tingled. There had been definite tingling. It had felt like an electric charge had passed from Derek to her, catching her whole body on fire. It was like a Disney movie kiss really where birds start singing and the people kissing start floating... But it was a bad kiss. It was a bad kiss because she had kissed Derek who she did not want to kiss.

Meredith shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She was spread eagle across her bed, trying to digest the fact that less then an hour ago, her lips had been locked with McDreamy's. McDreamy and his stupid dreaminess. It had been his fault. He started it. And he was dreamy. If he wasn't so dreamy and if his eyes weren't so blue and if he wasn't so handsome and if he wasn't being sincere and if he wasn't so damn great around his family he would have never kissed her. Meaning, she would have never kissed him.

Now she had to figure out what to do. Kissing Derek was big. Big and stupid. She shouldn't have done it. She probably shouldn't have made a quick exit afterward either. But she didn't know what else she was supposed to do. She had pulled away, took two seconds to look in his eyes, and then had hurried off to help Emma with her sparkler despite the fact that Kathleen had had it completely under control. She'd started saying goodbye to Harrison, the sisters, and Frank and Ginny before the fireworks display had ended, using an early wake up as her excuse for leaving so quickly. The second the last firework had popped, she was in her car and heading home.

Derek had tried to find her. She knew he had. He had watched her the entire time she'd played with Emma and had called out to her as she'd hurried towards her car. Avoiding him had been no easy task. She couldn't avoid him long. He was off of work the next day - thank God - but he'd be back the day after. And she'd be there. She'd be there for the next ten straight days before she had two days off. There was no way she was going to manage to avoid the head of her department for ten days. She needed advice. And tequila. Tequila was necessary.

Meredith got up from the bed, grabbed her phone, and headed downstairs to the kitchen, contemplating who she was calling. Lexie was an option. But she was mad at Lexie. Or not mad at Lexie. She was avoiding Lexie. If she called Lexie, Lexie would get back on her high horse about her avoiding her mother and the rest of her kind of family and telling her she needed to make arrangements for her mother and call her father. Meredith didn't want to talk to her kind of family. And she was in no hurry to make arrangements for her mother. So Lexie was out.

Cristina. She could call Cristina. Or not. Cristina wasn't good at the whole support your friend and give them advice thing. She wasn't either really but at least she tried. Cristina was more of a 'you fucked up, get over it' kind of person. Meredith was pretty sure she hadn't totally fucked up. Just fucked up a little. Besides, Cristina would probably tell Burke that she kissed Derek and Burke would let it slip to someone and then the whole hospital would know. So Cristina was out. George and Callie - out. She wasn't that close to Callie and George was, well, George. Izzie. Izzie was on vacation. With Alex. And Alex's family who she didn't like. Izzie would at least be supportive. She could probably use some contact with a normal person too after spending time with Alex's family. She'd call Izzie.