Let It Go

62.

Meredith shut her office door with a little more force then was necessary and locked it, twisting the key in the lock violently. Being a surgeon sucked. It sucked. That's all it was to it. It had taken her years and years and lots of headaches to become a surgeon and when she finally made it, she was repayed for her hard work in med school, residency, and then her fellowship by standing over an OR table, a five year old little girl's brain open, her life in her hands. If it could have gone wrong, it did and after hours and hours of doing anything and everything she could to save the child's life, she had lost her.

Waiting for the elevator, Meredith couldn't get the image of the child's mother's hopeful face, her father's relieved face as Meredith had approached them out of her mind. The woman and her husband had been certain Meredith was bringing them good news. Their daughter's tumor had been removed, she was in recovery, and they would be able to see her soon.

Instead, Meredith had struggled not to cry as she'd told the child's parents who were so wonderful with their sick child that they deserved a Parents of the Year award of some sort that their only child had died. She had watched as the mother had collapsed to the ground, sobs raking through her body as her father's face crumbled, tears streaming down his face as he'd sunk down to the ground to hold his wife. Meredith had left them with an intern to take them to their daughter when she was sure she could leave them and found herself a supply closet to break down in.

The doors opened to allow Meredith onto the elevator which was thankfully empty. She pushed the ground floor button and leaned against the back of the elevator, her eyes closed while she tried to remind herself that she couldn't always save a patient. It was a crappy part of the job she had chosen, the job she loved except for days like today when it sucked. And to top it all off, she hadn't talked to Derek all day, not even an e-mail or text message. He was supposed to be home tomorrow and tomorrow couldn't come soon enough. She just wished he'd called her or something as she could really use hearing the sound of his voice right about now.

The elevator reached the ground floor and Meredith stepped off, her only purpose at the moment to get to her car in the parking lot and go home. The lobby buzz had slowed down in the evening hours with only a few people lingering here and there in chairs while waiting for news on loved ones, a pair of custodians gossiping quietly as they swept the same two spots in the floor over and over. Meredith noticed none of this, her eyes focused on reaching the front doors.

"Leaving so soon?" Meredith stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes wide. "How...?" Derek grinned and stood from his chair. "But.. Tomorrow... How...?" Derek continued to smirk. "I took an earlier flight," he said simply. Meredith didn't need anymore. She flew into his arms, burying her face in his chest and clutching his shirt in her hands. She pressed herself to him, wanting him to hold her close. He didn't disappoint, wrapping his arms tightly around her and squeezing her to him.

"Derek...," Meredith whispered, letting go of his shirt to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him as tightly as she could. She felt him squeeze her again, his nose buried in her hair. She was quite content to remain right there in Derek's arms in the middle of the lobby for quite some time. "Derek...," she whispered again.

"Miss me?" Derek asked, kissing her hair. "So much," Meredith muttered, still clinging to him. He heard her sigh deeply and raised an eyebrow. "You okay?" he asked, pulling her away from him enough to look in her eyes. He could tell she wasn't. Her eyes weren't as bright as usual. As he looked at her, his eyes full of concern, Meredith felt tears well up in her eyes.

"Bad... Bad day...," she choked out. Derek brushed a tear away. "I'm not going to cry," she said to herself. "I cried earlier. I don't need to cry now." Derek frowned. "You cried? What happened Mer? What was so bad?" Meredith sighed deeply again. "I... I lost a patient. She was... Derek, she was five." Derek pulled her back into a hug. "I'm sorry Mer. I know it's hard to lose a child. I know it is," he soothed. Meredith pulled away from him, her arms still around his neck.

"She was five Derek. Five! She was five years old and had the world's most amazing parents. They loved her so much and she was so sick... It's not fair Derek. It's really not fair!" Anger had taken over for sadness. Derek pushed her hair out of her face. He understood now where her fierce desire to help children she'd demonstrated came from. Her mother hadn't taken care of her and her idea of rectifying it was saving the lives of as many of her pediatric patients as she could. That was why she had undertaken the risky stand still on Harrison and went to bat for the FAS baby.

"You did everything you could do Mer. Sometimes it's not enough. It's not fair at all but there's nothing we can do about it other then know that we did all we could," Derek told her. Meredith nodded, knowing he was right. "I'll be fine tomorrow. I just... I need to get out of here right now." Derek smiled and removed her arms from around his neck, keeping hold of one of her hands.

"Then let's go home," he said. "We'll go home, I'll take care of dinner, you can shower or take a long, hot bath, put on something comfortable...." Meredith smiled, knowing that wasn't exactly what Derek had in mind. "I have a better idea...," she ventured. She saw Derek's mouth twitching as he tried not to smirk at her. "Oh really?" She nodded. "How about we go to the trailer, you take care of dinner, we eat, we shower - together, we skip the clothes, and get into bed?" Derek couldn't hide his smirk any longer. "I like that idea," he told her. He leaned down and kissed her, a kiss full of both passion and love. He heard her moan softly. "I missed you," he whispered as he pulled away. "I missed you too."