Let It Go

57.

"You're sure she won't find us up here?" Meredith asked George as he held the door to the roof open for her and Cristina. "Positive. She's got Alex, a conference call with the wedding planner, and the giant book of bridal magazine clippings to keep her occupied. She won't find us. Of course, if she needs us and we're not around, try to make yourself scare. She may claw your eyes out then tell you off for ruining her nails six weeks before the wedding." Meredith giggled at George, despite how down she was over her fight with Derek the night before.

With her wedding less then two months away, Izzie had gone into wedding overdrive and the three of them were avoiding her at all cost to keep their sanity - and to keep from killing Izzie. Just that morning Izzie had launched a verbal attack on Cristina for taking a page while Izzie told her about her bridesmaid dress, George had been smacked with a newspaper for nodding hello to Dr. Bailey, and Meredith had been told off for yawning during Izzie's speech about table settings. Izzie owed them a lunch in peace, even if they had to get it by stealth.

"Are we even supposed to be up here?" Cristina asked. "Doubt it," George responded. "But what they don't know won't hurt them." George and Cristina sat down on the ground with their lunches and leaned back against a ledge. Meredith wandered towards the edge of the roof and leaned against the railing, taking in the view. It really was a beautiful area. The mountains in the distance were as blue as ever in the late August heat. It made a person forget that if they were to look straight down they'd see the asphalt and concrete of the city.

She was a hypocrite. In the hours she'd spent lying awake the night before with only her dog for company, she had determined that she, Meredith Grey, was a hypocrite. She had yelled at Derek for not talking to her about Addison yet she herself had a big secret - her mother. She had no right to stand on a pedestal and preach to Derek about keeping something bottled up inside while she had done the exact same since moving to Virginia.

While she'd been out of line, she had told Derek the truth. She'd been silent on the subject, pretending not to notice the way Derek stopped himself before he revealed anything too deep about himself or how he zoned out whenever she brought up any subject that may somehow be traced to his time in Green Bay with Addison. She didn't call him out on faking sleep when she'd asked about Addison. But she'd noticed. And it had bothered her.

She wanted Derek. She wanted Derek in a really big way and she blamed that want on her newfound inability to sleep alone. She'd missed being able to snuggle up to Derek in the middle of the night, missed his arms around her and the safe feeling he bought her. But from the very beginning of their relationship she had felt like Derek wasn't completely there. The chemistry between them was undeniable. The attraction they had was something bigger then either of them. But Derek hadn't let her get close too him. She had let him get close. She had told him the whole sordid tale of her father and his new family. But had Mark and Izzie not told her Derek had been married, she'd probably still not know.

"So what did you and McDreamy fight about?" Cristina asked. Meredith pulled herself away from the railing and went to sit down on the other side of George. "Who says we're fighting?" Meredith asked. "Seriously? You've been moping around all day," Cristina informed her. "I have not!". "You have," George said through a mouthful of turkey sandwich. "You barely muttered hello at the coffee stand this morning." "Izzie was in my ear going on and on and on about flowers!" Meredith insisted. "You're usually giggly and nice and annoying. You snapped at an orderly this morning for asking if you were ready to release your patient," Cristina pointed out. "Then you called an ink pen a 'son of a bitch' and threw it when it ran of ink mid sentence," George added. Meredith didn't bother to defend herself anymore.

"We're not fighting," she insisted. "We're just... He's off today and he's leaving for Seattle tomorrow..." George and Cristina gave her a look. Something clicked in her head then as she engaged in a staring contest with two people who had become close friends in the few months she'd known them. She was a hypocrite. She couldn't be a hypocrite. She could tell them.