18 Years of God Damn Bullshit: A Memoir

I Had So Much Faith in Those Weeks

I don’t understand how I was so foolish

This was when I still thought everything was given to you because god would never take such things from you, only from other people

Despair was something you sympathized with

I remember his face when I told him I knew she was coming back from the hospital

“How do you know?” he asked

“Because god would never allow her to die.”

I said it so assuredly, like it was obvious

How did I not see the pity in his crumpled face?

Why didn’t I question it

When I saw her, dead already

I collapsed because I understood what despair felt like on the inside