18 Years of God Damn Bullshit: A Memoir

Escape

((TW// Details of child abuse, CPS))

Two children, one bigger than the other

Running from a monster

Leave with an excuse and take only what you wear

Try to save him just this once

It was the worst it had ever been that weekend

Finally had the proof

If only they could've seen what was worse than bruises before

Make the call, not intending what would happen

Save him today, just this once

They called the police who took pictures of us against the gas station wall

Would it work this time?

I stared at the floor like I always did when I was thinking

Unblinking, unmoving

They asked me if I was traumatized

I didn't know what to tell them

Maybe if I stayed quiet they'd take me seriously this time

My cheek was swollen from when she kicked me in the face, and I had that look I always did then, frozen, like I'd seen too much, like I hadn't slept in days

He was bruised where she beat him with a broom, and wore the diaper he didn't need because she wanted to humiliate him, sandals too big for his small brown feet

Two kids then

I just wanted him to be safe

I never called the police I swear

We drove to the CPS place I went to the last time

They sent me back last time

Would this be the last time?

I still remember how she looked walking into that room where she'd sign me away forever

I'm still sorry